Susanna Codes

Magnet ❤️‍🔥 Today something really horrible happened to me. I was leaving my office quietly and then a man barged through the barriers behind me (tailgating me, without his own pass) and got up really really close to me and came up right behind me. He said „sneaking past, sneaking past” but I barely heard it but that was the only warning I had before he was basically pressing up against me and so on. I almost passed out because this is one of my greatest triggers and a colleague had to drive me home. Why am I talking about this? Because why would I not talk about this. I had to wait for a while with my head spinning and the world spinning sprawled up against a wall and in that moment or maybe it was after someone had firmly pulled me onto the bench I thought I did everything right I did everything right I did everything right I learned JavaScript I learned Python I learned react I organise my calendar every day like a madwoman And it’s still not enough It’s still not enough It’s still...

“Take me to yourselves, and do not banish me from your sight” One of my favourite poems was discovered in a cave in Egypt in 1945 along with many other manuscripts. Thunder perfect mind. I didn’t get it the first time. I have been addicted ever since I just still can’t stop listening to it omg. You want the Samaneri Jayasara version though on YouTube - the other ones feel strange. I have so much on my mind and I can’t sleep. So much happened today I raised a pr today but it was in the last minute and before a work social and that is because I had to do some family stuff unexpectedly this afternoon I am meant to be colour coding my calendar to make it easier to understand at a glance where I am spending all of my time - realised I can add tags to colours - nice I am still writing a Christmas quiz for the team and need to chase one or two questions from people I need to process the steps on four different tickets including qa process although one of the four is nearly done I am doing som...

We discussed something called compromise, a brand new concept that I never tried  I am not always a software engineer. I really really care about my work more than anything. My wonderful manager told me today that my frustration is a good asset and that it will be what sees me through it. Frustration means I care. What a beautiful and lovely thing to say. I have resolved to work more closely on problem solving with my mentors. And someone on my team seems quite keen to throw me into the deep end - arrrgh. But only in a good way though - the boat is going to be nearby But all of this is happening On the backdrop of being a real life person as well With traumas With needs  With very real things I need to attend to  The daily, the practical The mundane And sometimes I wonder How did I cram it all into my life Anyway thanks bye bye  Bye 

Achieving the Impossible I can’t do two things. I can’t regulate my nervous system and I can’t ground myself. I can just about do these two things when I’m in the forest. Otherwise it’s just too hard Even though dance is quite grounding (I have barely danced in three weeks due to an ongoing illness and this is torture for me). But  When I see the world as made of love Everything becomes possible Nervous system regulation becomes possible Grounding becomes possible And so I see the world as made of love As what it really is For what it is The rain falling down from the sky is made of love The autumn leaves on the ground shine and radiate with pure love The whole sky is made of love And so  Hello from the midlands

How To Establish Yourself As A Leader (In My Eyes) To me the greatest symptom of a leader is kindness. To lead is to be kind. To lead is to care. To lead is to care about the people in your, well, care. When I think of all of the truly amazing leaders and people I have worked with (although, we are all leaders, in our own ways) I think of this: The selfless times that people have listened to me, far too many to count, listening so much more than they talk and giving me THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN EVER GIVE ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE. Their time, energy, listening and caring Being the bigger person - sometimes I can have my little moments - a leader is someone who can see past that and keep on loving and leading with care and grace A leader is someone who is consistent - when I see all of the people who show up for me time and time again my heart is truly moved. A leader is there for you after they promised they will be. A leader is someone who shows up for you time and time again and not just o...

Never Ever Forgetting The Kindness of Others The world is so full of beautiful people. As they say we are all friends. We just haven’t met each other yet. And that is how I live my life. Whoever I am with in this moment is my best friend. That doesn’t mean I’ll always be nice to you. Are you always nice to your best friend? But I can promise you that when I am around you I’ll always be a 100% authentic version of me - and I’ll give you permission to do the same. Too many people have done nice and kind things for me to ever repay. The product director who made sure that the last thing she did before leaving our company was creating an engineering training role for me. The new lead in my team who checks in on me and sees how I am doing. There are too many nice and kind people in the world for me to even imagine. The teammates who help me to find accessibility techniques or rather build on those ones that I have. The people that support me all around Frontend and all around my department...