Susanna Codes

Oh, honey, I'll come get my things, but I can't let go  Another disaster. I still can't get things right. I hopefully will see one day that all of these struggles with focus and prioritisation will mean that one day I am the most focused and prioritised engineer ever  Today's disaster is about focusing efforts  What do I focus  What is within my control What is out of my control  I have a React learning plan, I need to stick to it  I have added notes on how to read, how to know what to read, what to do more in depth and what to do more lightly  I have added a note to switch to CSS when I get tired of logic (so far so good - I love logic) Tickets  I suppose that this is hard for me but I must always always prioritise tickets  Always always always over learning most probably  Always over practise tasks  Definitely over people and culture stuff that I do  Bro I am not getting paid for it  I'm not doing that anymore anyway...

If I could [just dance] for a minute, then I’d go through it again I never planned to be a dancer. And I never expected to be a dancer who would get praised by a professional dancer from the English National Ballet (I am still processing that. I will never ever get over it oh my goodness). Is all the crap I went through to get to this stage of my life worth it? Of course it is (as such I am misquoting my new favourite song “Francesca” by Hozier). I never in my wildest dreams could’ve imagined or envisaged that I could be the dancer who I am today A dancer who gets told after almost every class how much fun it is to dance with me A dancer who gets told frequently how beautiful her dance is (last time it was not just the ballet dancer, but another beautiful girl who I had seen across the floor who came up to me and told me how beautiful my dance was as well). I GOT INTO DANCE BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO CURE MY SEIZURES No seizures, no dance Admittedly I had danced quite a bit before but nev...

The Miracle That No Doctor Can Give Me When I was in A&E the other week I told the doctor that I needed a miracle. But I already have my miracle. My mum said of my life the other day that it is a “miracle” that I have so much dance in my life and that I am a dancer and that I dance so much. Look dancing to me is my ultimate blessing and my miracle. I love to dance. When I dance I am a self-sufficient adult. When I am on the dancefloor I am so confident like nowhere else in my life  When I am on the dancefloor I am not needy. I am completely emotionally independent. I am happy and fulfilled. I DON’T SEARCH FOR HEALING. I am just consciousness. I am the dance  There is a dance workshop at the end of the month I want to go to. I need like £200. I don’t really have it. I don’t think I can go. But there are other classes I can do more locally Do I continue with martial arts?  Do I take up contemporary? Or do I just keep going with my current style? Thank you so much I can ...

The Most Healing Moment of my Life This evening I went to a dance class in London. There was a man and I couldn’t stop dancing with him. I usually prefer to dance alone but the energy was magnetic. I absolutely loved dancing with him.  I couldn’t resist it. It was irresistible. After the class I was crawling over to my stuff and he told me he loved my dance. I couldn’t believe it when he told me it was his first class in this style So he told me that he was a professional ballet dancer with English National Ballet - Eric Snyder, an award winning American ballet dancer  It was the best moment of my life  He said to me “Dance is an essence and you have it. It’s an extension of you.” He also said to me “you’re so cool.” And he said to me “you’re so beautiful”. And I knew that he really meant it He wasn’t just saying it  He really meant it  And look if I am beautiful enough for a dancer of the English National Ballet then I am beautiful enough for anyone  I hav...

There’s a moment to seize every time that we meet but you always keep passing me by I feel like I’m missing something. I’m missing the point. But what could it be. What could it be. I specify my tasks. If attention wanders it’s because the task is not specific enough  Break it down  Break it down Break it down  Break it down Break it down  Break it down  Break it down  Break it down  If attention wanders then the task is not specified enough  Break it down Break it down  Break it down  Or rather Be more precise  Be more precise  Be more precise Be more precise 

There’ll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again Everything is fine. I’m at an offsite. I’m just reflecting and quoting a song. The last few weeks have brought about a real breakthrough in my work. It’s actually hard because my offsite has been right by where I used to work with my old team before we all got laid off. I loved them so much. My boys (my all male team). So that has been sad Really sad  Seeing the spots we visited together  Revisiting my old passion and obsession with renewable energy and AI I have made a lot of progress with work in the last few weeks I’m trying to understand what it is Breaking it down into smaller and ever smaller problems Writing a six item to do list for every next day  Blocking things out in my calendar  Making sure those six items are really focused Tickets or react learning or meetings I have everything there was to give to my work Maybe the rewards are still coming  I don’t know  Sometimes I feel like I ...