Susanna Codes

Undying love and gratitude for everything I found an old email. I was preparing for my Kraken  Technical interview. Two years later I am here It’s all a bit surreal I know conventional software engineering might never be for me. I don’t think I can code alone for 8 hours a day. The cat’s out of the bag. This is why accessibility engineering draws me in even more and more. If someone can take the enormous challenges that have come up against me and take something good out of them That will be a good start. And what if that someone was me. Sweet cute lisping little me  I am grateful for my flat. I’m so grateful to have a lovely and safe place to call home I am grateful for my meditation practice  The biggest gift of my life Apart from my family Who I am even more grateful for  I’m grateful for my dance practice The greatest miracle of my life omg I’m grateful for my body. My body which knew to give me the right symptoms over the last 16 years to tell me what was really...

If I could hold you for one minute This post is a love letter. It is a love letter to software engineering. It is a love letter saying: promotions are good, but learning is more important. Better to have the most solid foundations in the world than the most fancy job title in the world. It is a love letter to learning in a way that works for you Other people might tell me how they think I can learn But I know how I actually learn It is a love letter to me myself and I. Who worked in the office from 9-6 today. Who doesn’t leave the office until I have made a plan for the next day Me, who put up a poster of her main goals in her office so that I could remember them Who turned my weekly check-in into a more frequent one so that I could feel even more structured 

Im craving the early morning  I’m craving that feeling of dawn in a new city. That feeling when everything is possible. I’m craving that feeling when anything could still happen  In the day When anything could change I’m craving that feeling walking up the hill through the streets Before the shutters have even opened. I couldn’t sleep properly for 10 years  And I missed a lot of mornings. Still I wake up naturally at 7 am now But still To be in a city  At dawn Before the shops have even opened With the pink skies Waiting for the first coffee shop to open

Retelling the story of my life  When I was 14 years old and a year into recovery from a life-threatening illness my mum tried out a meditation technique on me. It was so healing. Nothing had helped me feel that good before. I found the book in the attic years later and started using it. I went on a meditation retreat online in Colorado during Covid and learned more. Then I got angry at the practise and needed a break. Looking back I think I had just worked with so much that I needed time to process it all. It’s magical. And by some further magic I got into it after five years. Now I do it all the time. I have so much further to go. I have so many issues to deal with it feels like the universe gave them to me on purpose so that I’d have material to work with  Im sure it did  When I was in my teens I went through some of the worst things a human being can go through. I have been carrying the weight for 16 years and I am exhausted. I did everything right and went to every ki...

My brain just doesn’t switch off Friday night and my brain won’t turn off. Look I can’t change it now so there’s no point in trying is there. I have so much to do but most of all I just need to rest. But I am doing so much cool stuff at the moment. I had a 3+ hour session on TDD today (thank you it was the absolute best). I then went on lunch really late as I had done other stuff that morning too. So I had lunch and then I had a coffee chat with a colleague and then I had the rest of my lunchbreak. Then he unfortunately reminded me (correctly) that I needed to do a ton of coding before our next meeting. So I had to do that. I was so tired. So I alternated it with building a coat hanger in our office. I am very good at building furniture. I am pretty amazing what can I say So then there is so much to do on Monday as always Maybe some day I’ll have a quiet day. Every day is fast and long and exciting. I really love my job. I took the time to write up my goals for Monday today but as we a...

Competition vs. Kindness  To know me is to know that I am competitive. I am competitive in all the wrong places. I am competitive on the dancefloor - where it is absolutely not a competition. I am competitive at work - where people do treat it like a competition. But it shouldn't be. And I want to be that difference. Because I learned early on; I learned very young, this: IF YOU ARE JEALOUS OF SOMEONE THEN THE BEST THING TO DO IS TO GIVE THEM A COMPLIMENT. If you are jealous of someone then chances are other people are too. And if everyone is jealous then maybe everyone is holding back. GIVE THE PERSON THE COMPLIMENT BE THE PERSON WHO CELEBRATES OTHER PEOPLE  And then only compete with yourself Only compete with yourself a year ago  A year ago I passed my probation  (A little over now). I got a pizza which I ate on the train cos it was so late after my dance class. I had a glass of wine on an empty stomach and pain relief and that was disastrous - I don't drink at th...