Susanna Codes

So heavy I fell through the Earth, part 6 I am enjoying my morning off. This half day is the first annual leave I have taken since Christmas. I was so worried about work last night but this morning I have a plan. Prioritisation. I have a 1:1 with my manager this afternoon  So that is almost my top priority - finishing up the goals I was writing to show her However before that I just need to tick “merge” on a PR so that is an even bigger priority  However after that I have some conflicting priorities  Okay no I don’t My steps are to work on my ticket  Merge pull request WRITE GOALS FOR THE WEEK ON MIRO BOARD WRITE GOALS FOR THE WEEK IN MY PLANNER TOO !!! !!! Finish goals to show manager  Work on my ticket - organise my ten trillion notes on context Potentially read some context docs too in fact yes please definitely definitely do. I must always go to the docs when I encounter something new. When I encounter something new the docs must be my first port of call to ...

Writing about TDD because all my attempts to organise my life have shattered tonight What a disaster. Rather than reading about TDD and cramming more information into my already overstuffed brain I am going to try to remember everything I know about TDD or test driven development What do I know about TDD. I used to know stuff  Okay bro okay bro How many tests do you have to write for your work to be considered TDD. No it’s not a bad joke. It’s just a legit question The answer is one. (Also I have to go in a second to make some tea for my flatmate). Not bad not bad okay so what else do I know about TDD. Bro nothing OK so TDD is where you write your tests before you write your code? Right? Right? Because ONCE YOU KNOW THE DESIRED OUTCOME OF YOUR CODE THEN YOU CAN WRITE TESTS FOR IT AND ONCE YOU KNOW THE DESIRED OUTCOME OF YOUR CODE THEN YOU CAN WRITE YOUR CODE TOO BRO But isn’t TDD a better way to know what the desired outcome is of your code before you write it If I ever doubted I w...

International Women’s Day From The Perspective of a “Different” Woman I want international women’s day to work for all women. I often struggle in women’s groups as I do not feel represented. Feminism has historically failed women who were minorities in other ways. I often feel women’s events are focused on neurotypical or at least less neurodivergent women. When you are really dealing with a mountain of challenges every single day of your life it can be so easy to feel forgotten about. People talk about supporting women and campaigning for them  People talk about glass ceilings not existing But all too often I feel left behind and forgotten I feel like while people with more privilege than me are out there fighting for themselves they might have forgotten to fight for me too with them Which is why I claim the ultimate privilege:  I have a great sense of humour and I can dance I mean what could be a bigger privilege than that I can literally feel pylons at an energetic level Wh...

So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth, Part 5 As usual I have not addressed the core issue. Beneath my inability to organise my thoughts and my plans around my work for tomorrow is a deeper issue. And that deeper issue lives below most of the issues in my life You see  If we go deep we enough into our issues then we usually find they have some sort of a common denominator In my case There is a very clear common denominator  And Lord knows I had to do months and months of hard work to find it And that was on top of the years and years of hard work I had already done But bro Listen If you look hard enough You will find the common denominator  I did my work and I found it So why am I so scared Why am I so scared

Bro, I have no answers for you - So Heavy I Fell Through the Earth, part 4 I need to get out of bed and try and organise my life. The paralysis from trying to organise too many tasks can be overwhelming. I wish for one moment someone could take my autistic ADHD brain  And just for one second I could feel like what it is like to be someone with the capacity to organise stuff For 5 minutes I want to know what it’s like not to be the human embodiment of chaos Ten years of trying and thousands of pounds spent and I cannot find a way to organise myself I so desperately badly want to feel like it’s not my fault I know somewhere deep down it’s not my fault Look my bro I was designed to live in the woods and talk to the trees I was designed to dance in the forest The thing is though That I am actually quite good at what I do I was born and designed to contribute to the world I have so much to give  I just was a little bit less chaotic But that will never change My dance teacher says w...

So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth, Part 3 I didn’t anticipate a part three  I can’t find a method to get all my tasks out of my brain for the rest of the weekend so I can relax and enjoy it I have been categorically told by some people not to write my work goals on the weekend (some people said it was okay but ultimately I was told not too). As in the ones on my work laptop etc. Bro I am so angry at this whole universe. All the minds in the world and no one can devise a planning system No one can devise a to do list system that works for me Instead it just stays stuck in my head all the time This is no way to live your life Susanna How do we teach small children to remember their tasks Maybe that would work for me Maybe that would work for me also Why is it that things that work for small children so often work for me also It is very frustrating It is a double life Part adult woman in her thirties Part autistic AuDHD mind that needs childlike things to get by Part tech goddess Part...