Retelling the story of my life 

When I was 14 years old and a year into recovery from a life-threatening illness my mum tried out a meditation technique on me. It was so healing. Nothing had helped me feel that good before. I found the book in the attic years later and started using it. I went on a meditation retreat online in Colorado during Covid and learned more. Then I got angry at the practise and needed a break. Looking back I think I had just worked with so much that I needed time to process it all. It’s magical. And by some further magic I got into it after five years. Now I do it all the time. I have so much further to go. I have so many issues to deal with it feels like the universe gave them to me on purpose so that I’d have material to work with 

Im sure it did 

When I was in my teens I went through some of the worst things a human being can go through. I have been carrying the weight for 16 years and I am exhausted. I did everything right and went to every kind of therapy in the world and did everything I could

These things take a very long time to heal

I am so proud of myself

This strong little kid in my teens and in my twenties

I kept on going 

The adversity was immense

It was so huge

But now I am grateful to be applying it all back to my practise

When we talk about career progression 

I didn’t just start from further behind the starting line (due to neurodiversity etc) 

I started much further back

I’m not exaggerating too much when I say I started in the gutter

Where I lay for so many hours of my life - thousands and thousands of hours

Having non epileptic seizures

Caused by traumas I did not cause

I am nothing but innocent in all of this

Nothing but sweet and innocent

And when I say that I have so much respect for myself

You better believe me