Susanna Codes

Miracles Come Two years ago very nearly to the day I went with my Dad to the Ashdown forest. It was after the worst 24 hours of my software engineering career; the time when I stopped having 100% motivation. It was a terrible time. I only had about 65% motivation. What a terrible 24 hours! Other than that it has always been at 100% ever since I started software engineering. My manager had asked me to do some soul searching. And so I came up with two things. I wanted to be a frontend engineer and I wanted to work in renewable energy. Life happened. I stayed at zoa for a bit. Then I got laid off. Then I came into kraken. I did water I did backend I did AI Today was my first trip back to Forest Row since that day. Yesterday I found out I was moving back into frontend and into energy. Today in the church I found this drawing in a notebook with Lord Ganesha on it

Leaving AI’s Never Easy It absolutely breaks my heart to write this because I love my team so much. But I am moving on. Now I am not moving very far. Just as my manager put it „across the floor.” I am almost too scared to write this in case I jinx it somehow. But I am moving back into the frontend. This can’t be real. I seem to be dreaming. I have to pinch myself. I love AI. I have loved AI. I am absolutely so passionate about it as a technology - especially in accessibility, in renewables and in water. I am leaving my team with some pretty cool water ideas. But it’s time for me to move on.  It’s time for me to go. I have missed everything about frontend engineering. I have missed react. I have missed JavaScript. I have missed typescript. I have missed seeing things. I have missed making things click. I even did some Frontend work in my AI team. Some of my most biggest impact work was my Frontend pieces. I have built Frontend features that thousands of agents will use and that I re...

When the Sufis are Blaring on my iPhone, then I turn them up In January I was in a dance workshop at my favourite meditation space in London.  The teacher said „and now… we have borrowed this space from the Sufis… and I want to hand it back to them.” And then he played three long Sufi songs. I began to cry at the first one. Because it opened up my heart so much.  It made me realise that I only want God. As I go through life I have to realise that I only want God. We can want things in life but really we only just want God. All of our actions are trying to lead us back to God. It’s the same thing really anyways A catholic chapel on the Isle of Wight  The dance teacher sent me the song afterwards. I listen to it a lot. It’s 17 minutes long. Then when the Sufis are blaring from my iPhone, then I turn them up

Passion I received some feedback today. It was "try and express the negative feelings too sooner - not just the positive ones." Sounds words. Sometimes when I'm feeling negative stuff. I don't always know how to express this. This is why dance is so life-saving for me. I don't always know how to say what I'm feeling. But on the dance floor I can express it all out. People with ADHD/AuDHD shouldn't be forced to always talk stuff out. When I look back on my younger days and when I tried to get help with stuff  I was always forced to try and talk about stuff. But my happy place was acting. My happy place was dance I am known for talking a lot What people don't know is that I talk a lot Because I struggle to get the right words out If I do articulate things they often sound very childlike and simple: "I feel sad." "I need a hug." I can go for years and years and not be able to express the same things. So I often prefer a wordless expres...

And The World Thought I Had It All - But I Was Waiting For You I met so many beautiful people today. A German father and his two teenaged kids docked on a cruise ship in Southampton. A gorgeous blond bus driver who took me across the bus station so that I could find my connecting bus. He was heavily tattooed and he had the presence of an angel. I'm sure he was one. He was greeting everyone with such kindness and so much love. The two builders outside the pilgrim's chapel who seemed to honour my silence. The two ladies feeding cake to the birds. The little girl with her new build a bear. The little boy on the boat passionate about ships. We can search for God but I see God everywhere. I see God everywhere all around me, I see God in the beautiful church that I meditated in today. But I see God in my personal issues. In my seizures, in my struggles in my dilemmas. It's not love if you only love some people okay It's only love if you really really love everyone A painting ...

Escape Sometimes in life you’ve got to run. You’ve got to run. But I have spent most of my life running. The one thing I can’t do is slow down. I often really struggle on Saturdays. I have to combine the exhaustion and the adrenaline drop of the week that’s gone. With a nervous system that is really excited by the freedom to do anything it wants. And especially if there is something I really want to buy. Luckily I don’t buy many material things these days. I’ve moved on. lol Pema Chodron wrote a book called “The Wisdom of No Escape.” Father Thomas Keating said that we find happiness in acceptance. Both of these are true. But… But The Presets sang in “Girl and the Sea.”:  “Now we’re nowhere in her thoughts, as she dives beneath the waves.” Sometimes, you just gotta dive beneath the waves Sometimes, you’ve just got to dive A photo of Susanna hugging a tree And I know that you know that you’ve got to know when to leave a situation that isn’t right for you

Some People Come And They’re Gone, They Just Fly Away I just spoke to someone so beautiful and so lovely. My heart is totally opened up and filled with love. She was so soft and so kind and so validating. Come to think of it it felt like talking to an angel. I might have just spoken to an angel. Exciting new times are coming. Exciting times are ahead. I can’t say too much  But something is coming  It is coming really soon I just can’t say yet. And so let me say instead. My dad. Took me to all these beautiful cool places  When I was a kid. A football pitch at dusk in Luxembourg. All I remember is green green green everywhere, just green everywhere. I remember the gray magical sky and the evening floodlights and the green gold I remember an abandoned rollercoaster  In a field in Germany I remember a magical walk across the stepping stones in France in a pond in the middle of nowhere and how we ate from my dads survival kit he had been given at work I remember a meander...

Let Love Alone Speak I would like to remind you of who you truly are and how beautiful you truly are I used to believe in a healing journey. But now I know that there is no healing journey to be had. Because we are already whole, we are already perfect, already complete. "A love that is unconditional and determined to bring about this healing." - Father Thomas Keating. "I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." - Hafiz Rupert Spira says that to heal is to make whole. We heal when we realise that we are already whole. I have tried both. I have been to every therapy in the world and I have seen myself as the pure unconditional light of God - guess which one works

The wind farms at the top of the hill I grew up in a tiny village in Luxembourg. For the first seven years of my life, we lived there until we moved to a small town. I love the places where I come from so so much. And indeed I love Luxembourg more than anything in the world. People ask me what it’s like living in Luxembourg. I don’t name the designer stores. I don’t name the banks. I name the beautiful nature and the countryside. In my first little village there’s a top of the hill we often drive to. It has such beautiful houses and you can see the wind farms out for miles all around. That place has supported me for years. It supported me with renewable energy. It supported me with renewable energy. It supported me with learning Python. Today is my name day. It’s St Susanna’s day. I’m about to make a huge fruit platter to celebrate. But first celery juice  Thank you

We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains I stand for love. I stand for kindness. And above all I stand for being kind to yourself. I stand for acceptance. I stand for “you think the only people who are people/ are the people who look and think like you/ but if you walk the footsteps of a stranger/ you’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.”  I stand for singing out to the ocean. I stand for it being okay to feel how you are feeling in any given moment. I stand for pouring into outbursts of dance when they are necessary. And most of all I stand for myself. I have experienced some real discrimination over the last few years And I laugh I love myself “Does my sexiness offend you? Does it come as a surprise? That I dance like I have diamonds at the meeting of my thighs.” - Maya Angelou Thank you

How To Train Your Dragon I want to say that I love myself. I love very very deeply who I am.  Sometimes along our way we encounter people who cannot bear for us to shine our light. KEEP ON SHINING. Do you think I would have written 800 blog posts if I had listened to every person who had been slightly intimidated by my commitment? KEEP ON SHINING  Do you think as a woman I would’ve gotten anywhere if I’d listened to every slightly disparaging comment about my coding, especially in the early days? But especially as a trauma survivor who went on to have 4000ish seizures as a result of her trauma. Where do you think I would be now. If I had listened to the people who told me to give up. More importantly where would I be if I had listened to the people who told me to avoid it? What a stupid thing to do. There is nothing more important to do than to not avoid your trauma. Because it will drag you through the very pits of hell. It will drag you through the very depths of hell. But y...

Friday Nights in Brighton I tend to live in a bit of a dream world. I know, I know I do. I wouldn't have it any other way. Or maybe I just see love everywhere. Everywhere I look, I see love. It's all just love anyway. It's all just love. I went to a really intense dance class after work today. Then I walked home and the walk was too short so I walked more. It was about an hour of brisk walking with a heavy backpack after a dance class. This kind of thing would've been unimaginable for me six months ago. And look I know I keep repeating myself. I talk about seizures. I talk about software engineering. I talk about neurodiversity. In improvised dance we say that repetitions are good. They take us somewhere further. They take us somewhere deeper. They bring us out to what is out on the other side. Of the repetition. What I want to say to people is that I lived through 15 years of seizures and that I somehow still managed to be happy. People ask me how I manage to be so hap...

Writing When I Have No More Words Left To Write After two and a half years of blogging what more is there left to say. I love the frontend. I miss JavaScript. I have missed JavaScript so so much.  Once upon a time I thought I loved software engineering. Now I realise that I really love Frontend engineering. I love software engineering too. Don’t get me wrong. I love coding. I love git and GitHub. I love CLI commands. I love tickets and documentation. I love code review and comments. I love pairing and I love learning and growing from other software engineers. I have loved the process of working on the backend too.  What else am I supposed to say. I am going to the Isle of Wight soon. I have no plans. Only 50£ set aside and a train ticket. What am I going to do? I don’t know. Will I have to queue long for the ferry? I don’t know. I will get a bus pass  Will I make it to any of my favourite places, my favourite churches, my favourite monasteries? My favourite town, my favou...

Ganesha Sharanam It’s the night and I can’t sleep and what do I do when I can’t sleep? I write blog posts. I have been listening on repeat to a mantra by Edo and Jo, “Om Gam Ganapate Namaha”. It has the harmonium in it, and the harmonium splits my heart open. On Sunday I learned it on the guitar and was playing it down near the beach. One thing I can’t get past is the harmonium.  I first heart the harmonium  On my first meditation retreat. The retreat was hosted in a beautiful venue that was run by Hare Krishnas. How I miss it up there and how I miss my friends! Every retreat they do a Kirthan. My friend Karuna plays the Kirthan and sings mantras. I have never heard anybody sing with such love and devotion.  Proof that love is what really matters. It doesn’t really matter what we do in this world. What matters is how much love we do with it. Or rather how much love we do it with. Whatever. I have a mentor at work - he is quite direct and blunt with me sometimes.  But...

Words My name’s Susanna. You know me. I write blogs. I write because I care so much. I write because I love so much it pours my heart out. And words, along with singing and dancing and smiling and hugging and being, are a way to channel this love. And I love and I really care about software engineering. I love and I care about technology. I wrote 800 blog posts just to tell you how much I love software engineering and it’s still not enough.  I love technology and how it can change this world

Living Openhearted Of all the feedback I get on my LinkedIn content my most common I get is often my vulnerability. How vulnerable I am and my posts are. But as one of my favourite quotes goes: “I am utterly vulnerable, and yet cannot be harmed.” Rupert Spira. No matter how much you open your heart it can always be opened more.  One thing which totally cracks my heart open is the harmonium. A beautiful instrument often used in Kirthan, it shatters my heart open into a thousand million  Tiny little pieces. Shatter me open some more I only want to be shattered open With love for you Thank you 

Part 9 - How does a virtual environment work? - Structures and Files, and Prefix-Finding It copies structure and files Do I need to know all of this stuff? And will it help be to debug my virtual environment when it breaks? It copies structure and files. Okay, so it copies structure and files. So what? Will it help me to fix the thing? "When you create a virtual environment using venv, the module re-rcreates the file and folder structure of a standard Python installation on your OS." "Python also copies or symlinks into that folder structure the Python executable with which you've called venv." EH? Oh I think it's talking about the Python interpreter here omg. I am finding this stressful and so, so, so confusing. "If you locate your system-wide Python installation on your operating system and inspect the folder structure there, then you'll see that your virtual environment resembles that structure." Um okay then yes. Thanks. Whatever. Thanks. O...

Venvs Part 8 - Folder Structures Continued So the venv doesn't install a lot of the Python standard library modules. Instead, these get pulled from the global Python's core installation packages, I believe. "Your virtual environment reuses Python's built-ins and standard-library modules from the Python installation you used to create your virtual enviornment." "In a later section, you'll learn how the virtual environment achieves linking to your bas Python's standard library." Okay then. I'm not really sure how it does that. But yes. Thank you. Basically, doing this speeds up the installation of new environments as it makes the virtual environments more lightweight. It means that we do not have to copy all of the standard Python packages into the new virtual environment. You can add more arguments to the creation of your virtual environment to give it access to the base installation's site packages - OKAY THEN BRO WHAT ARE THOSE. The site...

The reason I hold on, cos I need this hole gone I love to write at night. I love the darkness. Even though I’m scared of the dark there’s something magical I love about the night. When I was a teenager my dad got me a book. If was about yin and yang. In French. It said: “it’s night and you can’t sleep. Has the night got something to tell you? Listen to her.” I spent 18-26 unable to sleep at night. Well now you know. I couldn’t sleep while it was dark and I had to wait until the sun came up. That is obviously for very personal reasons and I won’t go into that now. Once upon a time  I was just a software engineer with a dream.  I wanted to code. I wanted to blog. I wanted to learn to code and I wanted to write a blog about it. Now all I want to do is to fulfill my potential. I have only wanted that for a long long time. But sometimes fulfilling my potential means wondering and thinking about what is best for me as well. And now I think I have a good idea of what I really need. N...

Opening At risk of being disowned by almost everyone I know, I wanted to describe what is really going on for me at the moment. I am being cracked open.  I am being broken open, bit by bit. In the spiritual world we talk about being opened up. Cracked open. Opening our hearts up to the divine. Bit by bit. This is often a very painful process. Our hearts have to open up so, so much. My opening up really began up on the hills in the downs I think this time round. I sent my mother a photo of a nice meal I was having. She said “oh how nice! Before the return home.” But in Polish. That broke my heart open. Because I realised I was on the return home. And there is only one real return home. And that is to God. The only homecoming is to God. The only return home can be to God. I am sorry. There is no other way. I am sorry. The only home is our true home. That of love and eternity. No keys. No walls. No mortgage. No rent to pay. Thank God. No robber can get in. No one can ever take us away...

Healing I’m surrounding myself with a beautiful world of Buddhist and Hindu mantras. Beautiful flutes and violins. Surrounding myself with pure love. Well it makes a nice break from Beethoven! It’s amazing watching myself heal. I’m dancing three times a week. This was unimaginable six months ago. I used to crash after the class. Now I can dance non stop for the full two hours, sometimes at a very high intensity, and still go for a walk after the class.  Yesterday I walked home along the beach at dusk. The risk of seizures is not entirely gone but it is getting lesser every day. When I am out walking there is a very real risk that my energy can suddenly drop and that I can just collapse unexpectedly - and last night I had to be really careful - but a combination of taking a break and knowing when enough was enough meant I got home safely (although I crashed on my landing for a bit haha). The risk isn’t gone from me yet - but it is a much much lower risk requiring much stronger trigg...

All My Moves Are Power Moves Look here. I never feel so powerful as when I am on the dance floor. I can wear anything. Do anything. Be anything. This is so not who I used to be. But in dancing I transform.  In dancing, I find my true self. And look. The only place I ever felt powerful in my whole life was on top of a water dam in the French mountains. Until I started to dance. Dancing led me to feel powerful in  An office. Something I never thought I could feel in my life. The power to say no to people. The power to say yes to people. Do you know what that means to me? All of that comes from dance. But do you know That only the wind farms can make me cry. With all of their beauty. Because they are so beautiful. With all of their beauty. Just like you and just like me. A beauty that withstands all of time itself. And changes. And seasons. A love

Being Susanna Being Susanna. Look I’m going to say something a bit naughty. And say that I know. I know. I know. I know that people know who I am  This was never my plan.  I cared about software engineering. I didn’t care about people knowing who I was. But I know that people read my LinkedIn posts silently. I get stopped and recognised at events and on the streets and in bathrooms. I go to networking events and people know who I am before I know who they are. I can’t remember everyone’s name who knows mine. And I feel so bad about it. So I’m going to answer the question that you all want to know: what’s it like to be Susanna? And the answer is: fucking beautiful. I look out to the sea. And I see a ship lit up at twilight out to sea. A bird flies by. As paradise of blue. I look out of the other window and I see all of Brighton lit up late at night. I look in the mirror and I am proud of myself. I love myself. I am a beautiful person with a loving heart. I know that I am a gold...

Part 7 - Venvs folder structures I ran a command and there was a huge tree. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore but I used pip list.  I've just learned that there are some other packages installed by default too. The tutorial lists them nicely. Aha! It says here: "YOUR VIRTUAL ENVIRONMENT IS JUST A FOLDER STRUCTURE, WHICH MEANS THAT YOU CAN DELETE AND RE-CREATE IT ANY TIME YOU WANT. Can confirm - the amount of times I have been told to nuke my virtual enviornment as a solution  Have just been obscene  This tutorial says: But why  this specific  folder structure, and what does this structure make possible? Oh Jesus Christ almighty. I have never been so last as this before. Let's keep on going.  "An Isolated Python Installation" "Python virtual environments aim to provide a lightweight, isolated Python environment that you can quickly create and then discard when you don't need it anymore." That makes sense. "The folder structure that you j...

Venvs Part 6 - Processing a nice message, Part 2 Okay so in my last post I processed a very kind and helpful message on venvs that my colleague sent me. But it was a lot. I've had two calls since. Let me see if now I can process anything or understand anything any better. I am completely lost when reading over my last blog post. So let me start with the message and type it out please one more time please - thank you. So once again, my colleague says: "When you configure an interpreter, you're pointing it towards a particular environment." What does this mean? So you're pointing your python interpreter towards a particular virtual environment? Okay - so got it - when you point your interpreter to a particular environment, then yes, you are simply just telling your interpreter to use the version of python which is inside specifically your virtual environment - rather the than the global one. Nice one!!! thanks. Next bit If I type which python into a terminal, it wil...

Venvs Part 5 - Processing a very kind message, Part 1 "Once you configure an interpreter in Pycharm", "all you're doing is pointing towards a particular environment." This is what a kind colleague says to me internally. Okay let's learn a bit more then - let's find out a bit more. "If you type `which python` in a terminal, it will give you the folder that the python code script lives in." Okay so now this is where I get a bit lost too. Might be time to bring Mr GPT into the equation - which is what I do when I can't understand colleagues' communications. Let me try one more time first without this. If I type in `which python` into my terminal It will give me the folder that the python code script lives in And be different for each virtual environment Wait, what does my colleague mean by 'the python code script?' which script does he mean? My head is exploding. No worries - I am preparing all of these questions to run through an ...

Venvs Part 4 - Avoiding Lockouts, What are virtual environments, and starting folder structure Having a virtual environment makes your environment easily reproducible. Not only does it avoid tedious work, but it makes it safer from errors too.  This tutorial talks about dodging installation privilege lockouts - for a minute I thought it was talking about DOGE, like Elon Musk, lol! In some corporate environments you may not have admin privileges to install computer-wide packages anyway. Using virtual environments can save you lots of grief anyway. What is a virtual environment anyway? Okay so by now we know WHY to use a venv. But now the tutorial wants us to cover what they are, lol. I am getting pretty tired. This is my fourth blog post of the day lol! FINALLY  THE BIT WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR  LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND HONOURABLE GUESTS A PYTHON VIRTUAL ENVIRONMENT IS A FOLDER STRUCTURE THAT GIVES YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO RUN A LIGHTWEIGHT YET ISOLATED PYTHON ENV...

Venvs Part 3 - System Pollution, Conflicts, Reproducibility Issues Okay so your interpreter is inside of your environment. The tutorial is about to go deep now. In its own words. HOORAY! I'm continuing with this. Why do you need virtual environments? I feel as if I have spent the whole morning addressing this. But... I didn't know this tutorial would be going deeper! Python isn't great at dependency management. If you're not specific then you will pip install all of your packages into an incorrect folder. "Several issues can come up" if all of your dependencies are in the same folder. So let's learn About other problems that virtual environments protect us from... System Pollution Linux and macOS both come with a version of Python that the OS uses for internal tasks. Wait, what???? It's best not to install python packages into your system's global Python in case it interferes with some OS stuff. Wait, WHAT???! You don't want to break your OS!!!...

Further Notes On Virtual Environments Due to team capacity I am 100% blocked and so I have nothing other to do than to continue to work on my virutal environments tute. So let's keep going. I am having a bad day. So what are the benefits of virtual environments, one more time? Allow you to create lightweight and isolated environments.  It allows you to isolate and manage your dependencies separately for each project. This I have known since the beginning - but it has been different to implementing them and understanding them in practice. the command to set up a virtual environment is -m venv path/to/venv/ . I do know this too but it's always good to remember. This tutorial seems to be a bit Windows and VSCode leaning and I am PyCharm and Mac. But okay yeah - nevermind. The tutorial does cover other packages for creating virutal environments, but I'll be ignoring those.  Most of my practice might come in the actual tutorial so it will just be in the code. But any cool new le...

Overcoming My Nemesis of Virtual Environments Once and For All - NEMESIS I started in JavaScript, HTML, CSS, TypeScript and React. Virtual environments drive me INSANE. After a year of working in Python, and I am pretty proud of my level of Python, it's just embarrassing. So here we are. I will be doing this tutorial in between tasks in small chunks as agreed to by my team. It's also quite good for when I am feeling stuck on a problem (like I am now) - it gives me some time to think about and process the problem.  While also doing something productive for work. The plan was to do this tute over two days but my former manager has said that I might learn better by doing it in chunks - he is not wrong. I am blogging because blogging is the only thing that makes reading possible for me - that or writing handwritten notes. Why have a virtual environment? Why bother? What creating a Python virtual envrionment allowsyou to do: It allows you to manage your dependencies separately for d...

I just want to focus All I want is to focus The greatest gift in the world would be to focus I just want to focus on my work. Why? Because I’m passionate about it. That’s all. Because it’s meant to be and I love it. Because I know that my work comes from God. That is all. Not outcome related. Not outcome focused. But the love with which I do my work. I know that that is meant to be. And can’t you see. That everything I do in life revolves around my work. Not in a bad way. I mean it. Because I don’t mean my job. I mean my destiny. Something big is coming. I need to be ready for it. And everything I do. Is geared towards it. When I dance. Of course I dance for myself as well. But my dance is at its best when images and visions of the water dams pour through me (no pun intended). When I eat healthily - and I am feeling the effects slowly slowly I look better and I have more energy and I am in less pain - then I do it to be able to perform better in my job. So why the endless ups and downs...

MY HEART POURS OPEN WITH MY LOVE FOR THIS WORK Okay so this one is being done after hours. So I wanted to talk a bit about balancing my priorities. I have a main thing. That is my work. That will always be my work. I mean it's all my work. But I mean my tickets. Building asana tickets - that is my main job. Attending meetings. I even propose new work sometimes. But within that - you see as an AuDHD person my preference would be to focus like a crazy person  On just my tickets. But as you get more senior that is not an option. And as I grow I have a few things going on. My venvs project - a staff engineer proposed I take a few days to do this tutorial. But my senior colleague who knows me much better has suggested I do it in chunks. So there it is. I am going to do it in chunks. In between tickets or when I need a break or when it's too late to ask someone a sensible question. Documenting my product - I work on the coolest AI product in the world. I love my product so so much. W...

Stuff I Learned Today, Part 2 - Pycharm && Problem Solving Nothing is more valuable to me than what I learn from my seniors (and other colleagues too). I am so grateful to them  For their precious time. And for every single lesson that I learn from them. And so I like to consolidate things. And I like to write them up. And if I just type these anywhere I will lose them and not revisit them. But on here: I have to force myself to write things coherently.  I will revisit them as I like to read back my blogs sometimes. I will use an image That image will trigger my memory So today I learned From my senior colleague and former manager whom I respect very deeply and learn loads from I learned this: think about it as a logic puzzle you have changed 2 things are are now getting errors so you need to determine which change or if it's both has caused the tests to fail like any experiment if you have multiple variables  can you hold one variable static and change the o...

Steps: How To Approach A Vague Ticket (Step 1) Excuse the in hours blog post. My thought is that it's okay to write a blog post if it's 100% work related. And I am just writing up my notes from a meeting. (Which are safe to share). This is the way that I will phrase them coherently find them review them So here we go. I have been struggling at work with tickets that feel vague to me. But these are the way tickets need to be written. To save the seniors time. Otherwise they might as well do the tickets themselves (sometimes). So how might I work with vague tickets? Here are a few proposed first steps. Step 1 is to find where in the code the problem is. Step 1: Where is the problem in the code? The very first step in solving the problem is to ask myself where is the code that needs to change. I'll repeat this a thousand times if I need to. Where is the code that needs to change? Where is the code that needs to change? Where is the code that needs to change? I need this on a p...

Fulfilling My last post said it all. I need to focus on Programming Problem solving Supporting the team technically  And that says it all. I can finally fulfil this huge potential that I know that I have. We all know that I have it. If you don’t know that I have it then you don’t know me. And that’s it. And how do I get there? By focusing. Just by focusing. My manager and I had the most beautiful 1:1 last week. And we agreed I can grow in 8 hours a day. Or just in normal working hours. I can grow a lot. I just need to focus. I just need to focus  And I will get there And what’s even more beautiful is that we talked about and acknowledged how dance helps me. Thank you A friendly frog

Coping with the Week Ahead Firstly a shout out to my wonderful manager. If you are reading this I want to thank you so so so much for your presence and support. It is life changing. Thank you so much! Secondly I was feeling a bit nervous about the week ahead. I even made a LinkedIn post about it. But then I remembered my last 1:1 with my boss. My focus is Programming Problem solving Supporting the team technically Everything else can fall away

The Truth The truth is. That I’m not done. I’m not done. I’m not done. I’m not done. I am not done with the renewable energy. I can fight it. I can fight it. I can fight it all I want. But it won’t go away. The wind farms are speaking to me. I can see them now perfectly. They are all out to sea. Renewable energy is my passion. Is my life purpose. From up here in the youth hostel. I can see the wind farms so perfectly. And they are screaming to me. They are calling out to me. You can fire me. You can tell me this is not the job for me. You can tell me it’s not my destiny. I will laugh at you. I am meant to be in renewable energy. Thank you

“The good fight is the one we fight because our heart asks it of us.” This blog post title quotes Paulo Coelho the Brazilian author. You can’t make this up. When I was 15ish I was in holiday in my dad’s house. In Belgium. It was the time everything was changing. I think I’d had a major life event just weeks before. Looking back it was a time of great change. It was just days before my seizures began. It’s amazing to look back at how everything changed - if you read my blog post from about two posts back “The greatest gift of all”, you’ll see how I found the real blessing in my seizures. And so in my dad’s huge huge library which I’m pretty sure he inherited from the last owner - there it was. The Alchemist. I can’t believe how much that book has changed my life. That which you seek is also seeking you. I find it hard to apply this to anything other than God now. And I don’t want to. But that first glimpse into that concept was such a beautify idea. I wanted to be an actress back then. ...