Susanna Codes

If I could [just dance] for a minute, then I’d go through it again I never planned to be a dancer. And I never expected to be a dancer who would get praised by a professional dancer from the English National Ballet (I am still processing that. I will never ever get over it oh my goodness). Is all the crap I went through to get to this stage of my life worth it? Of course it is (as such I am misquoting my new favourite song “Francesca” by Hozier). I never in my wildest dreams could’ve imagined or envisaged that I could be the dancer who I am today A dancer who gets told after almost every class how much fun it is to dance with me A dancer who gets told frequently how beautiful her dance is (last time it was not just the ballet dancer, but another beautiful girl who I had seen across the floor who came up to me and told me how beautiful my dance was as well). I GOT INTO DANCE BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO CURE MY SEIZURES No seizures, no dance Admittedly I had danced quite a bit before but nev...

The Miracle That No Doctor Can Give Me When I was in A&E the other week I told the doctor that I needed a miracle. But I already have my miracle. My mum said of my life the other day that it is a “miracle” that I have so much dance in my life and that I am a dancer and that I dance so much. Look dancing to me is my ultimate blessing and my miracle. I love to dance. When I dance I am a self-sufficient adult. When I am on the dancefloor I am so confident like nowhere else in my life  When I am on the dancefloor I am not needy. I am completely emotionally independent. I am happy and fulfilled. I DON’T SEARCH FOR HEALING. I am just consciousness. I am the dance  There is a dance workshop at the end of the month I want to go to. I need like £200. I don’t really have it. I don’t think I can go. But there are other classes I can do more locally Do I continue with martial arts?  Do I take up contemporary? Or do I just keep going with my current style? Thank you so much I can ...

The Most Healing Moment of my Life This evening I went to a dance class in London. There was a man and I couldn’t stop dancing with him. I usually prefer to dance alone but the energy was magnetic. I absolutely loved dancing with him.  I couldn’t resist it. It was irresistible. After the class I was crawling over to my stuff and he told me he loved my dance. I couldn’t believe it when he told me it was his first class in this style So he told me that he was a professional ballet dancer with English National Ballet - Eric Snyder, an award winning American ballet dancer  It was the best moment of my life  He said to me “Dance is an essence and you have it. It’s an extension of you.” He also said to me “you’re so cool.” And he said to me “you’re so beautiful”. And I knew that he really meant it He wasn’t just saying it  He really meant it  And look if I am beautiful enough for a dancer of the English National Ballet then I am beautiful enough for anyone  I hav...

There’s a moment to seize every time that we meet but you always keep passing me by I feel like I’m missing something. I’m missing the point. But what could it be. What could it be. I specify my tasks. If attention wanders it’s because the task is not specific enough  Break it down  Break it down Break it down  Break it down Break it down  Break it down  Break it down  Break it down  If attention wanders then the task is not specified enough  Break it down Break it down  Break it down  Or rather Be more precise  Be more precise  Be more precise Be more precise 

There’ll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again Everything is fine. I’m at an offsite. I’m just reflecting and quoting a song. The last few weeks have brought about a real breakthrough in my work. It’s actually hard because my offsite has been right by where I used to work with my old team before we all got laid off. I loved them so much. My boys (my all male team). So that has been sad Really sad  Seeing the spots we visited together  Revisiting my old passion and obsession with renewable energy and AI I have made a lot of progress with work in the last few weeks I’m trying to understand what it is Breaking it down into smaller and ever smaller problems Writing a six item to do list for every next day  Blocking things out in my calendar  Making sure those six items are really focused Tickets or react learning or meetings I have everything there was to give to my work Maybe the rewards are still coming  I don’t know  Sometimes I feel like I ...

The stupidest thing I ever did was try and go it alone Bro I have no time. Have to run to work. Going to London tonight. Have to pack final things. Go go go! But I have to say. Although there are circumstances when independence is good  There is nothing stupider than trying to go it alone in life all together. Maybe it’s keeping a big secret. Maybe it’s hoping that something will just go away. Maybe it’s dealing with an issue by yourself Don’t do it Bro as your internet bro I say: don’t do it Don’t go it alone You don’t have to 

The magic at the beginning of a fairytale  At the beginning of a fairytale we know that everything’s about to change. We know it’s going to be tough  But we know things are going to end well for the characters (at least in Disney haha). I feel like I am at the beginning of a fairytale right now I have learned how to work  Now I just need to apply it I have learned how to prioritise and focus efficiently Now I have months ahead of me of applying it I have years ahead of me of applying it But I got there I did so well I did a lot of analysis on my weekends evenings and days off and then a single hour on a cheeky Friday afternoon And I brought it all together  I know I have a lot of work to do as well on a lot of personal stuff  That’s okay I’ve been working on a lot of it a lot of my life But that’s okay too  Like a princess in a story 

Nature: the ultimate neurodivergent sensory soother  Work got me a lava lamp for my new local office. I’ve never been so grateful in my life. I’ve had it for just one day. It was a tough day. By looking at the lava lamp at the end of it and seeing how it calmed me down  I realised that they had made a great investment. They did some other incredible things for me too - I have a set of drawers (my space is tidy for the first time in my life), I have a blanket (self soothing/get cold easily/if I have had a seizure in the last few days and need to rest on a break etc.) I feel really lucky to be supported by this. I have also been supported to do an advanced meditation course As a part of mental wellbeing and growth in my role etc. I have never felt so supported by an employer in my life. I have promised to give a talk to my department when it is done. If you’d like to be invited then give me a shout! Today I went to the beach. It’s a long walk because I live by the port. So to ge...

The Beauty and the Beast When I entered this industry three years ago. I thought it was a level playing field. It is not a level playing field. As a woman you will have to fight harder to get your voice heard and to get taken seriously and even just to have people estimate your technical skills correctly. But I’m not nice. Mistake me as being nice at your peril. I am kind. I am loving. But I am here to work hard. I am here to fulfil my passion and my destiny and my dreams Expect me to shield my brilliance from you At your own risk For I will never ever apologise for being brilliant I will never ever compromise on speaking positively about myself  I will never compromise on loving myself I love myself I will never ever compromise on loving myself For it is only when we love ourselves That we can truly love others Thank you 

Reconnecting with the lands of where I am from  I am from Luxembourg. I am so proud to be from Luxembourg. I am not from the banks and the designer shops although man I do love the airport there. I am from the forests and the villages. I am from the hills and the secret trees. I am from the mountains.  I am from the wind turbines. I am from the secret streams that you would find in the forest. I am from the mysterious pathways in the woods that only I know  I am from the castles that you would have to drive a certain way to find I am from the woods. I am from deep within the woods I am from where the green light of love filters through the trees I am from where you can watch the sunset between two trees while leaning on another tree I am from  I am from  I am from where there are secret white trees in the forest  I do everything I do because I love the environment I love the planet Do you? I love the Earth  I am the Earth  Back home, in Luxembourg...

I’M MARRIED TO THE HUSTLE Look down on me, and you may not be looking down for long Put me down and you have put down the wrong woman I eat motivation for breakfast I am locked in Susanna 2.0 I love what I do. I have given everything to do it I overcome 100 invisible barriers to walk through the office door every day I have already won in every possible way just by making it this far I am amazing I work so hard I focus  I organise my time I prioritise I hustle If you want to judge me by my rank That only reflects on you I don’t know anyone who tries harder than me Look down on me and you may not be looking down for too long Put me down and you may be putting down the wrong woman No woman should ever be put down  Anyway  I wrote my own job description it looks great my managers are really happy with me that I have done it thank you 💞❤️‍🔥🪷💖💗🪻🌹💕❤️❤️‍🔥💕🩷💞

Chimera  Sometimes along your path as a software engineer you will meet people who will want to put you down.  Is it because you dare to have the nerve to be a woman in software engineering  Is it because they feel threatened by you  I don't know  I don't know  I don't know these things  I don't know why  I do know the following things  I merged 3 PRs in one day on Thursday  I have started coming in at 9 am every day to read the docs - my old pattern was more like 9.45-5.45 but having 45 minutes at the start of the day every day to read docs is amazing  I was hospitalised on Monday night from a seizure  I was told in no uncertain terms to take Tuesday off to recover  I came back in on Wednesday and finished a little sooner  By Thursday I was back and kicking and raised 3 PRs in one day  And then I went to Martial Arts  And today I have read so much React docs and have written up my own job description as wel...

Man shall not live by software engineering alone There was a time when I only really wanted to be an engineer. I still want this more than anything. But it’s not enough. I want to be a dancer. I missed my last two dance classes and I was absolutely heartbroken. I will still have to see about the next one. I have been really unwell this week and I am recovering. But I know it’s the end. It’s almost the end of my seizures. How do you recover from an unrecoverable illness. The answer is you need a miracle BRO I AM in the business of attracting miracles I am in the business of attracting miracles I am in the business of attracting miracles I am in the business of attracting miracles “Be realistic. Expect a miracle.” Be realistic  Expect a miracle Finding software engineering was a miracle that turned my whole beautiful life upside down I never imagined that I could love anything so much Why stop at one miracle Bro why stop at two or three Why stop at a hundred or a million or even at a...

Why it is my purpose in life to be a software engineer I don’t have anything to say. Three years ago I got made my first job offer. It was all I ever wanted in the world. I got paid to learn JavaScript for four months and then do a bootcamp. It was like something surreal  Out of this world It was a miracle It was a miracle It was a miracle It was my miracle  What more can I say other than that. Over the next three years the highs and lows the layoffs the harsh feedback the people who can’t always see my talents for what they are sometimes it has remained my miracle it has always been  My miracle It will always be my miracle  My miracle  My miracle  When asked why it might be my life purpose All I can say is It just is When asked why it might be my destiny It is just is When asked why it’s my miracle It just is It just is When asked what I am living for  I might be inclined to just say: “another day at the office, dear.” ❤️‍🔥

Why I don’t take anything in life for granted I looked in my bag today on the way home. And I saw the empty Tupperware bowl I take my lunch in to work every day. One of two or three. I take the same thing to lunch every day at the moment I take a slight variation of it anyway  I take some form of a Buddha bowl. Rice with edamame. Maybe kimchi. Mango. Tofu if I’m feeling fancy I absolutely love it I looked at my bowl in my bag. I thought a part of me could’ve been tired of the repetition But every day is such a privilege. It is a privilege to make another rice and edamame and spinach bowl and come into the office and do what I love  It is a privilege to tap my card on the door of my office and to come in It is a privilege to sit down with my laptop  A privilege to join my calls  It is a privilege to write another day of software 

Stiffen that upper lip up, little lady I knew that eating matcha cookies was a big mistake. I am the most caffeine hypersensitive person alive. If I fall asleep by two am I will be impressed  Almost as impressed as I was with bad bunny’s halftime show What a legend Unfortunately he is the same age as me and that has made me question my whole life And anyway I spent the weekend thinking about work Which is normally not allowed  Especially not as much as this weekend and the last one or two But times of change require it from me Need to take more breaks in the week for sure So that all my reflection doesn’t happen  Over the weekend But look here bro I wrote a job description  For myself I am on draft two of three No one ever could tell me what my job meant But after a few years  I have figured it out I have figured it out after a few years I hope it helps 

I was sent forth from the power I don’t have anything to say to anyone. Only I know how hard I have worked. Only I know what I overcame to get here. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone anymore. I have my own self-respect and that’s what matters  I know how hard I worked. I know how I picked myself up every time. We talk a lot about picking ourselves up but there are few who have picked themselves up (literally) as many times as me as such  I have nothing left to say. I have to keep focusing I have worked so hard to define a focus  And that’s it Now that’s it  That’s all I’ve got Let’s gooo

7 words to change your life forever The main reason I have stopped panic blogging is because my phone has stopped me from uploading photos to my blog post software update. I am okay with that - I am channeling my energy into the work But here’s a post I can’t resist writing - picture or no picture What is the best thing in the world?  The best thing in the world is my beautiful flatmate whom I mentioned a few posts back Coming back from Barcelona and bringing me a Starbucks mug back I love Starbucks I love Barcelona I love big giant mugs But what’s better still is her coming into the kitchen the other day and saying „You are strong. You can do this.” And if you don’t know What those words mean to me Then you will never understand  And that is okay too Thank you Photo added next day. Me on Canary Wharf as the uber boat we came on drives forward 

Understanding Locators in Vitest  I am doing really well. I am doing things a lot more independently. It is going really well. I am writing some tests write now. I am struggling to grasp get by role. One of my mentors sent me the vitest docs. I have a new rule about documentation from another mentor:  "When I encounter something new, the first port of call should be how the docs describe it and summarise it."  One more time:  " When I encounter something new, the first port of call should be how the docs describe it and summarise it." So I am being a good mentee.  So what on earth is a locator? A locator is "a representation of an element or a number of elements."  "Every locator is defined by a string called a selector." What? Huh? Huh? Huh? "Vitest abstracts this selector by providing convenient methods that generate them behind the scenes." I understand almost nothing  getByRole Right this is the one I want so let's focus on that...

There is an inextinguishable fire inside of me There is a fire inside of me that no one can turn off. And that scares some people. The truth is. My confidence comes from within. I don’t need other people to validate my passion I don’t even need other people to tell me I am good at something although it’s always nice and always helps. I have had people tell me I was in the wrong job for months (only for them to leave the job lol) and  It doesn’t matter what other people say to me because I know that I love my job I know that I am amazing at it I know that I have loads to give I know that I have masses to contribute to this industry I know that I am incredibly and uniquely passionate about what I do I know that I am immensely talented I am going to slightly spread out my tasks this week so that it doesn’t feel as rushed But if you haven’t seen what I am capable of yet Look closer  Look closer  You may be amazed what you will see  Thank you 

Writing Down the 6 Most Important Tasks for the Next Day Ah yes. Blogging at 2 am.  I had an exhausting two weeks and barely slept. Today I finally crashed and slept all day. Awesome but now I am awake at night. You may have noticed my second blog - www.susannalearnsreact.blogspot.com I wanted a place for all of my react notes as I am approaching it deeper now. I am also starting a new project to practice it - how on earth I will find the time for this I do not know - luckily I am quite efficient with my work. I can code very quickly. The challenge for me is not the coding and it never was.  It is understanding the instructions, the task and the brief. Luckily my tickets right now are amazing. And being in frontend saves me every time. If I can see the problem  I can fix it The Top 6 Tasks for Next Day This is a lifesaving thing. I need to do it at the end of every working day but I always forget  What are my top 6 for Monday? Read the accessibility docs I have timeb...

Vois sur ton chemin "FEEL AT THE HEART OF THE NIGHT - THE WAVE OF HOPE."  Saturday. Spain's first ever female ecstatic dance DJ is in Hove playing the craziest set I have ever heard in my life. I have been dancing for 3 hours. Intensely. I am so tired. Then a song I forgot ever existed comes on  The song of my childhood "Vois sur ton chemin." I sang the alto part in school (I am a soprano who can go low). The techno remix. Verbal reactions were banned on the dancefloor so I couldn't scream out my specific words of excitement but my body danced like crazy. It gave me the surge I needed and now I am reminded of my childhood The song means "focus on your path." Focus on your path  Focus on your path Get tickets from one side of the board to the other  Get your code live into production  GET YOUR CODE LIVE INTO PRODUCTION  Get users using your code GET USERS USING YOUR CODE It was a mistake to think that I was ever hired for anything else. But it's...

I'm done hiding, now I'm shining, like a butterfly  I'm celebrating "Golden" and it's Grammy win. I have a clear plan going forwards My job is to do my tickets  My job is to do my tickets  My job is to do my tickets, and to move them across the board  My job is to move my tickets across the board  and  My job is to GET MY CODE LIVE  MY JOB IS TO GET MY CODE INTO PRODUCTION MY JOB IS TO GET MY CODE INTO PRODUCTION MY TASK IS TO GET MY CODE INTO PRODUCTION MY FOCUS IS TO GET MY CODE INTO PRODUCTION MY TASK IS TO GET MY CODE LIVE  MY FOCUS IS TO GET MY CODE LIVE and  My job is to get users using my code My priority is to get users using my code  My aim is to get users using my code  That is what I am here for  I am here to get users using my code  I am here to get users using my code  That is what I am here to do  I don't have to say yes to anything that does not support this  I am allowed to say no and restric...