Fallss

Fallss by Bayonne - Album Artwork

Falls is another song by Bayonne. I am OBSESSED with Bayonne. 

I have never loved another artist so so much - bearing in mind that I've known him for a week or less.

I can just play any of his songs from Spotify on shuffle and I LOVE THEM ALL - it's been years since I've been able to do that with any other artist!

How am I doing?

I rarely stop to ask myself this. But today I feel angry and I don't know why. 

Maybe it's just from being so tired. We pulled off an office move yesterday and it was hardcore. But then I had to go home and sort out some urgent stuff in my flat. But you can't get angry just from being tired. But maybe I am angered by how hard it is sometimes. 

Maybe I'm angry at how many distractions I have to deal with. As I have very very severe ADHD, I have to deal with the fact that everything that comes up feels urgent. I battle with the fact that every detail ever seems important.

I deserve better than this

A very deep sentence, and I will spare you the context. But every now and then this is the sentence I need. Every now and then this becomes the sentence I have to use.

When I was revising for my A-Levels, after one of the hardest years imaginable, I thought to myself: I deserve better than this. 

And so I did my utmost and I got through them. 

When I was applying for a role in Product after over a year in customer services, I had to think to myself: I deserve better than this. 

And so I wrote the application. I only had 5 days, and it was on my birthday, and there were so many levels I had to go into, of revisions, of details, of drafts, but it was worth it. I got the job. It got me to the company and the role I am in now.

But now...?

I already have my dream job but why is it so hard - I feel like I keep on getting messed around by distractions, by other things which are competing for my attention and by the need for sustained motivation - I have LOADS but the day-to-day reality of learning so much requires MILITARY FOCUS.

But remember what The Presets said in "Girl and the Sea?". 

I'VE SEEN WHERE YOU WOULD RATHER BE.

I've seen where you would rather be. I've seen where you would rather be. I've seen where you would rather be.

I've seen where you would rather be.

I'd rather be where I have completed my engineering course. 

I'd rather have completed my course.

What have I coded today?

Meal Maker - or, a Codecademy project on objects, getters and setters. 🤗🤗🤗🤗