The Mockingjay, Part IV

New Years Eve, 2023.

I feel totally and utterly desperate. I also feel deeply moved - I just watched Peter Jackson's music video for the Beatles' song "Now and Then." It was released this year. I'm not sure if it's an unreleased track or what - oh I looked it up. 

It was regarded as the Beatles' last ever song.

Now "No Time To Die" has just come on on the TV. I wish I could've watched it from the beginning.

The Struggles

I am so tempted to give up on my blog, at least of now - or at least, the way I have been writing it in. It is completely unsustainable for me. 

At least, I think that it is. Writing out a blog post every single day while sustaining a full-time job as a Trainee Software Engineer, which includes my apprenticeship and writing up work, is a lot. Was a lot. And yet now as I type I am not so sure. In a way typing the blog, I organise my thoughts. I organise my ideas. I make sense of the world again. It makes me feel so much better and I don't know why. 

I don't know I don't know I don't know.

The thing is - there's always too much of everything. Books to read. Ideas I have. Blog posts to write. Blog posts to review. And the thing is I love the blog posts. I just don't know when I slow down.

How do I manage my job and my blog - but also have time to chill. I don't know. 

I wish I had an answer. I just know that writing my blog makes me feel better again. It just makes me feel better. Why? In a world of too many books to read, and work to do, and people to message, it just gives me some clarity to write things down. 

How? So what if the blog is not the problem but the solution? What if I only take on new information when I have the and space for it? Other times I can just write about what I have been reading. Write off the top of my head. Write off what I remember. Suddenly, I DO have time for that - right? Don't I?

Setting Time Aside for the Apprenticeship

I think it's time to do this. Yes I attend trainings and coaching but I need to put aside time - about 3 or so more hours a week - where I really focus on the evidence I need to write up and the preparation for the courses. Admittedly the course is not my favourite learning style - I prefer to learn from the other developers at work. It's easier of me. It works better. But I need the time to write up the evidence - I need to log this time too.

I suggest I put something in like 3 hours a week on a Friday afternoon or something. And then stick to it. Boundaries are so important in the work place. As a Junior or even a Trainee, it can feel like I can't say no.

But I have to. I absolutely have to. My time is as important as anyone else's is. And I also do a very hard and demanding job.

What will this mean

What will this mean for work? Well, I might not be able to move as fast. But: I'll learn more along the way and I will ultimately be a bette developer for it. I will suggest it to my team on Tuesday and obviously I will discuss it with my manager as well - I'm sure he will be supportive - and maybe he can even suggest some improvements.

The women of Bletchley Park

I can't get over them. I can't get over the modesty and the dedication of these women. The quiet quiet calmness and the modesty of these women. I can never forget them. The dedication. The humility. The consistency.

I CAN NEVER, EVER BE THE SAME AFTER HAVING VISITED BLETCHLEY PARK. I CAN NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. I have to revise and rethink all of my priorities. Bletchley Park has changed me for life. And I absolutely must be back - maybe in Feb as the train tickets are so much. I looked into volunteering but it's quite far away and I work on Weekdays - maybe I will explore it some more though as this place really means the world to me.

Carry on Screaming

As I write this an old British "funny" scary film is playing on the TV - "Carry on Screaming". I didn't know that such funny films existed back then - I LOVE the "scary" funny genre. It's probably my favourite. I love it so much.

Why the Mockingjay?

I love this song and this film still. I had prepared this post with the title and the picture and so it made sense to finish this off. Life can get really busy for me and it can be hard to say no to people. 

Katniss Everdeen a the Mockingjay

There is so much renewable energy and there are so many resources that I am interested in. Here they are.

Cecilia Manduca's article

Link.

Here is the quote that I really like:

Energy data is extremely fragmented, siloed, unstructured and often not even available. As our grid has been historically unilaterally built (from supply to demand), so has the underlying data structure, which needs to change to enable an interconnected, distributed grid. Real-time data is generally not easily available and most ‘time-sensitive’ grid balancing mechanisms are still extremely manual and complex. Controlling, orchestrating and aggregating all the small-scale DER installations requires building API connections with devices, establishing security protocols, navigating and integrating within the different flexibility energy markets (6 of them!) and incorporating billing data for flexible tariffs.

I know I don't normally copy paste long sections of articles into my blog. But like this I have the last quote that I don't feel like I have attended to yet. I have my breadcrumbs. 

I can analyse it. Tomorrow or later. It doesn't have to be now. It's 11:15 pm. I'm tired. On New Year's Eve - which I am spending along because my family are all dispersed so why not?

I loved this article. It was really beautiful. Thanks of it!!! 💜

Schneider Electric's Detailed Smart Grid

Yep I had lots of fun reading over all of these pages in my 4 3+ hour journeys to Bletchley Park and back over the last couple of days.

I read and read and read over them again and again and again. 

It made me really clear of what my goal is in life: to create a successful electricity distribution system.

I spent days and days studying a specific page but I can't find the link to it at all. It must be in my phone search history but it'll take me a while to find it. Unless... Nope even Googling by key words has not done it. I will search some more - or maybe that link's job is done?

A New Resource

I found this article. It looks really cool. Here we go.

A Gut Feeling

With 7 or 8 minutes to go to midnight I have a sinking feeling. Maybe it's time to stop or to pause this blog as I have been doing it for the last 3 months.

Maybe I have to grow as a software engineer. In order to save the planet as a software engineer, don't I have to become a better software engineer first?

I need to read my book which I got at Bletchley Park. I need to look at CS50. Look at some LeetCode. A really cool YouTuber shared some amazing resources on DSA on LinkedIn. Or maybe I just need to rest. I don't know. The future seems so uncertain. Or maybe doing my day job is enough to learn and grow. Maybe I always have to stop doing one thing more. 

I am 29 and have worked so hard throughout my 20s and also been pretty unwell. What if it's time to tone both down?

p.s. my New Years goal may be to visit as many of the beautiful and historic churches in Brighton, Hove and Portslade as possible... Maybe even Shoreham-By-Sea as well.