Almost Heaven

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Almost Heaven

I am really really struggling. 


I want to sit down and focus. I want to sit down and write some code. I want to sit down and get organised again and feel organised again. I know what my next steps are. I need to download some more services, download a repo.

With starting a new job there is lots to be done. Onboarding needs to be done and understanding the product. I am so keen to get stuck in and to understand my new product. And I love it so much. And I love meeting people and stuff and I love posting on LinkedIn and I even really love and enjoy training sessions when I can be active and participate in them. I just long for that quiet time, me time.

Time when I code. Time when I write code. Time when I do what I love.

I love talking to people but I love to write code too. I struggle to carve out focus time. When I was applying for jobs I had 4 weeks of intense silence when I could finally write a lot of code on my own. How do I balance that with people? How do I carve out focus time? How do I set boundaries? How do I keep the faith when being around people in a way is exhausting and I need to use all of that energy to focus on coding and to code? I love people but I am also an introvert - the world's loudest, most extroverted introvert. The world's most approachable introvert. How do I start to set some of those boundaries? How to I be myself again? 

Because when I can set aside some time to code again, is when I can finally be myself. When I can code again, is when I can finally be myself. Thank you. 💙💚💙💜💙

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