A Moment That Changed My Life Forever

So as you all know I went to Surrey this weekend. And I had a moment that just changed my life.

I have been starting to calm down recently. To slow down. To work less (outside of hours). To run around less. And I was trying not to do what I normally do when I visit new cities which is run around, exhaust myself and then crash.

So I tried to do what I would do in a new city eg with my dad or someone who was calmer or less chaotic than me.

And so I went into the tourist information. A very big step for me. Usually I can’t stand still for long enough for things like that. They told me there was a quilt exhibition upstairs.

I went up. I find museums really hard. I went into the first room and looked at the quilts and thought that the museum wasn’t interactive enough. But I had this sense of just wanting to stand there still forever and admire the works. I thought about sitting down.

But then I saw a beanbag out there on the landing. And I sat down. I took off my heavy bag (I’d brought my laptop with me as I had planned to do some weekend Python on iterators and didn’t want to change that in spite of my trip). And I closed my eyes and sat down and meditated. And that was the miracle. 

Everything flowed after that. I found a nice place for lunch. 

At one point I felt a bit dizzy and lightheaded and really scared of having a seizure but then I went into an art cafe and did that hour and fifteen minutes of Python and it really helped me. 

I’m experiencing a lot of challenges - my bedroom (I can’t tidy it - although I had a MASSIVE breakthrough this weekend and now I have huge hope for the future), some personal health stuff, some personal stuff, work challenges and a lot of stress at work as I work really hard to meet the standards of the relatively high level that I was hired to given my experience (read: very high). And I think that meditation might be the solution. Just sitting still and coming back to nothingness. Except that it’s not nothing. It’s everything. 

My colleague who I sit with often on calls sometimes has to read something when we are talking. So then I pause and wait. Maybe it’s cos I’m sharing my screen or whatever but I don’t scramble around and check Slack or whatever. I close my eyes and I sit in eternal bliss. 

Those are always the best moments. In this silence and this emptiness and this beautiful beautiful silent and empty presence we don’t find nothing. We find everything.

And I find renewable energy and water and the wind farms.