A Never Ending Dream

I am currently a bit high off of my four chai lattes and counting. I don’t know why I think these things are ever a good idea but they always seem like they are.

I am such a mess. 

I don’t get how I do it sometimes. I find my office space so hard to keep tidy and I find my personal space so hard to keep tidy and I have such bad executive dysfunction sometimes. I get such bad sensory overload sometimes too but I just have a passion that just keeps me going. And I don’t care about anything else. I don’t really care about anything else. For no reason at all I would like to say something about my seizures. 

They are non-epileptic. I just don’t care who knows anymore. 

They are the result of severe stress and major major trauma when I was in my teens. After 15 years I found out there was a huge correlation with autism. I am not aware of the fact that I am stressed. I have to be on the floor to realise what it was that was stressing me out all along. But this is no way to live your life right. I have to try and minimise stressors but how do I do that? I like to stay in the same job for as long as possible. I like to stay in the same place too if possible for a while.

I need to build a better support network - or maybe just see what an amazing one I already have. I have amazing colleagues and former colleagues who can really really support me. I used to think that everybody else had all the answers because they weren’t having seizures but now I see that we just had different playing fields to start off with. They weren’t neurodivergent trauma survivors

But do you know what I don’t care.

I have something so beautiful that I would never trade it for anything. I can feel the Earth. I can feel the energies. I can feel the energy, I can feel the energies.

I can feel the pylons and the wind farms and the hydroelectric dams

I can feel this beautiful planet and I can feel the need to save her. I can feel the wind farms and the hydroelectric dams and I can channel this into my work. I can feel the secret utilities infrastructure that is hidden away in nature. And as such I have unlimited motivation. Nothing can get me down.

I hope that I can bring this great great love that I have for the wind farms and for the pylons and for the hydroelectric dams and the secret renewable energy and water infrastructures and channel it into what I do because this is what I love this is what I love and this is what I do

And I love this the most in the whole whole whole wide world - thank you. Thank you