I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist - again

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I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist - again

Being autistic and having ADHD can make it really hard to express myself sometimes. When I’m stressed I don’t know why I’m stressed and when I’m upset I don’t know why I’m upset sometimes. It can take me days or weeks to articulate emotions and that’s if I even get to articulate them at all. But I love what I do so much. I have something that I love so much and for me that outweighs everything. Because I don’t care how many people take advantage of my naivety or gullibility and I don’t care how many people put me down along the way and expect me not to be able to tell and I don’t care how many people expect me to have no boundaries. 

I don’t even care how many people sometimes expect nothing of me and/or are shocked and amazed when I suddenly do start to perform let alone excel. Or who are amazed or surprised or resentful when I get promoted or hired or find a new career path that I love and then move surprisingly quickly in. Because how dare a neurodivergent person be successful right? How dare a nervous gentle person with her teddy bears in the office excel at something sometimes. Because how? Why? In a world where we look for people to look down on I am an easy target sometimes. But not me. No, sorry.

The fact is that I have a passion that runs through me so deeply that how could I possibly complain? And okay it may be

That I’m 30 and it has taken me 30 years to find a way to not have a meltdown into someone’s inbox every time I get overwhelmed or the plan changes

But that is OKAY. Because I’ve found a way. I’ve figured out a way. I’ve finally understood why it is that I feel so overwhelmed all the time. And now I know how to deal with it. Because every time I’m about to have a nervous breakdown then I write down a list of the next steps and next things I need to do

And when I get sad I stop being sad and I look at the offshore wind farms instead

A picture of wind farms and drawings of wind turbines. Text in bright colours reads: “I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist: my challenges and barriers with communication with autism and ADHD.”

Thank you

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