It's Safe to Dance

And safe to be myself, and safe to be my neurodivergent self - and safe to express my neurodivergent self freely and not to be who other people want me to be or to conform to who other people think that I have to be or think that I am 

Also, I've decided that my favourite things in the world are mountain lakes, and that I want to make all of my infographics with them from now on... or at least the next 

While I haven't been very well, unfortunately, it's gonna take a lot more than that to take my brain out. I haven't been able to stop thinking about stuff but that's okay - it's been good to have a few days without coding - the amount of upskilling I have done this year and in the last since months since my last holiday has been unfathomable.

I have to trust and believe that every single thing that I do is all part of the mission and takes me a little bit closer to the goal. I have to believe that every single one of these blog posts is for something. 

And is not for nothing.

Here is a mix and a blend of personal and professional although all coding related goals that I want to complete before my upcoming annual leave.

So I'm reorgansing my life

• I took some coding mantras I had down from my walls - they are in my reflective journals anyway and I think I HAVE PROCESSED THEM PROPERLY.
• I have written up the journal entry that I wanted to write in my dragon notebook - this ended up being a post-mortem of a week I feel went disastrously wrong. And that is okay. We can reflect on it when I am back in. I hope.

Good start! What's next?

• I wrote out most of my evidence for behaviours I wanted to meet during the last week - and it's not quite done; and when I'm feeling better then I will do it, and this might be late tomorrow or Thursday morning as I am not sure if I will be able to work yet tomorrow (on Wednesday) or not

That's excellent work! Fantastic news! What's next?

• Just a quick note to myself that I have to read up the final few comments of an incident report. And then confirm them too and seek approval. Thank you. And then...

I know I have 2-3 recordings/bits of recordings to watch.

Watching Back The Recordings

• Last few minutes of call on servers and clients - EDIT: Nope this is done.
• The whole of that massive major problem solving call that we did last Friday - 01/11/20234. This will take a while cos it's about 45 minutes. Also I will need to follow along with the code we did during the session. 
• There could be so much potential for me learning here.
• Thanks so much.
• Listen back to just that last little bit from my 25/10 call about yields - just very quickly and do a LI post on it cos it reminds me of a LDR song - could it be a blog post though - hmmmm

Writing a Few Blog Posts

• I JUST WANTED TO DO TWO FROM THOSE NOTES I TOOK ON 25/10 ON PROBLEM SOLVING

Finding Backend HTTP Code Examples

• There is a lot of backend code that I just don't understand. I just don't get it at first glance.
• I need to find code examples and then we can go over them with my colleague at work

Personal stuff

I started and built out a new reflective journal; yes believe me I have a lot; this one is covered in Yosemite stickers (I have two other journals covered in Yosemite stickers but this is the new reflective one). By "built out" I mean I decorated all of the insides. I would like to fill it out before I go on my retreat or nearly all of it. And I can complete the last parts on the trip up. Sounds crazy? I am a bit crazy. I just love what I do so, so much.

Other then that there was the whole dragon journal thing (a journal made by Moleskine in honour of the year of the dragon) but that ended up being more work-focused. So stuff that I have done in there is:

• I meant to do a journal entry on how it is to be where I am at now in my work process but instead it ended up being a post-mortem of what had felt like a disastrous week before
• I am using it to write down goals I have met this week; I am still not done for this week; would be a good one to continue for my future 1:1's and weeks ahead anyway

What if the one song you can't stop listening to is the song that's going to get you through

Ever since I heard "The Safety Dance" a few days ago, I can't listen to anything else. But what if that's the song I need right now to get me through everything? Maybe it's the same with seizures. I suffered with 15 years of non-epileptic seizures.

For 15 years no-one and nothing could make them stop now they are declining DRAMATICALLY. But for 15 years: and especially the last 7 or so, the worst ones: the only thing that could keep me going was my goal. My work. My studies. My mission, my passion. 

IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT COULD KEEP ME GOING AT THE TIME - AND MAYBE THAT IS OKAY TOO - THANK YOU.

Ultimately, it's about believing in yourself

When I was seventeen and processing major trauma. someone once said to me

• It doesn't matter what you put out on paper
• Just get it out, get it out onto the page

I hope that every blog post I write is that - is a testament to overcoming the challenges of neurodiversity and neurodiversity in the workplace - because while I have the most amazing management in the world - the blog has got to be way up there in my top 3 coping mechanisms