Daniel, When I First Saw You, I Knew That You Had, A Flame In Your Heart

“Daniel, when I first saw you, I knew that you had, a flame in your heart 🔥 

And under wild blue skies 🌌 marble movie skies 🌌 I found a home in your eyes

We’ll never be apart”

I can’t even tell you how much it hurts. I have had to fight this year. It is a constant fight and I sometimes wonder if it even had to be this difficult. I sometimes wonder if things had to be this difficult. I tried so hard. I really tried so hard. Sometimes I wonder how and why it really had to be that someone who cares so much, who cares this hard and really fights this hard has had to fight as hard as I have this year. But that’s just life isn’t it. Maybe it’s because I’m neurodivergent. Maybe it’s because I’m bold and I dare to seek out new challenging opportunities. 

But mostly it’s because I love renewable energy. My heart goes out to the wind farms. My heart sings out to the wind farms. I look out to the sea and I see them. Day and night. In the day they are golden white. In the night their red flashing lights flash at me. They are winking at me. Winking at me.

Telling me that everything is all going to be alright. Because who else has worked this hard this year. And who else has worked this hard over the last couple of years. 

Since I found software development. Since I found renewable energy. Since I came back to university after dropping out ten years ago. Because I look out to sea and the wind farms are there. They are always there.

And I come home to the painting of the wind farms on my shelf. And I know that I am not alone. And at night I feel held and supported. The wind farms are to my right. And the pylons are to my left. And I know that I am where I am meant to be. I know that I am precisely where I’m meant to be.

I know that I am safe and held and supported. I don’t feel afraid anymore. 

I don’t feel afraid anymore of not being able to evidence things I know that I can do. I don’t feel afraid of being misrepresented. I feel God. I feel loved. I feel held. I know that I am.

I know that I am.

I know that I am.

Where I’m meant to be.

Precisely where I’m meant to be.

Halfway between the pylons and the offshore wind farms.

The only place that I could ever be in the world. The only place I belong. The only place where I am.

I know how to problem solve, Susanna. 

Now I just need to come back and to apply these problem solving skills to my work every single day.

Stay quiet and focus on the outputs I guess? Or is now the time to speak up? Maybe it’s the time to listen.

I can feel the energy.