Habits I need to build: taking breaks

Over the first week of January I worked perfectly. I was autonomous, quick, and was able to solve things completely independently. I was asked to reflect on what I did that week. The answers may actually surprise you. Before I proceed: “Susanna why do you blog about such personal stuff?” Because I want to succeed. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Over the year I have had two responses to things that I feel deeply ashamed of. I have apologised and talked through why these things happened and promised to never do them again. Other than that I have nothing to hide. I came in for a role. I got a role. There were some knowledge and skills gaps and discrepancies and I struggled as a neurodivergent person to adapt to an unstructured company. Only to realise quite recently that that can be a great thing for me. And hope that I haven’t left it too late.

But as you can see I have been trying all along the way. I have left no stone unturned. And if it doesn’t work out… I will know that there is nothing more I could have done. But I want it to work out. I want it to work out. Boy do I want it to work out. Because I love water tech. I love utilities. I love my company and I love my colleagues and I love my offices. I have upskilled so much. I have been given so much along the way. I want to give it back to my company of course. I want to stay in Python. I want to work in water tech forever. I want to stay in renewable energy and water tech and AI forever. Forever ok? Forever. That is why I work so hard. That is why I write so many blog posts. To learn. To improve and grow and to be better. So what were the habits that I did on the first week of Jan that led to my perfect performance? Or near perfect… sometimes need to work a bit longer myself before looking things up.

Well I run to the rock

This is what I did well in early January. Here we go:

• I finished on time every day 
• I danced every day after work or almost every day
• I wrote out messages to myself first on slack. I read them over. In the end I didn’t really have to send any of them. By writing them and reading them I could solve them myself. Because I am so much more of a better software engineer than I think I am. I am so much more of a brilliant engineer than I think I am

Because I had so little confidence. But I am so smart. I sm so smart and I know coding inside out. And I know software engineering pretty damn well. So why do I have so little confidence at work? Like seriously where has my confidence gone? Did it go when I lost my job or when I got hired too high or when I became a backend developer unexpectedly? No matter who cares no one cares.

But here’s the one other thing that I did really well

One other thing I did well which my former line manager has asked me to reflect on

Is that I took lots of breaks. And actually I didn’t take enough breaks. When I work well then I need lots of breaks

And when I work really well then I really take enough breaks

I am so different from most people. I can work extremely intensely extremely fast. And then I need to STOP. When I stop I can read. I can solve problems. When I walk away from my desk my brain solves problems by itself. The important thing is to start early enough. The spaces in between are what matters.