Absolutely No Idea Where To Go From Here With My Life

I passed my probation.

I think it is going to be announced to my wider team soon so shhh 🤫 Keep it to yourself. But yes.

Now you know. That is why. That is why I blogged like a mad person over the last year. I think I wrote something like 400 blog posts since joining Kraken.

I was trying to pass my probation. Trying to pray it all out into the universe.

Learning Python. Learning problem solving. Expressing my feelings.

Expressing my impossible emotions because if you know me. Then you know that I needed to stay in water. Know that I needed to stay in renewable energy. Know that it was never a choice. So it’s safe to say that I am totally lost now. I was under so much pressure for ten months.

There was some concern that I might stop growing but that will never happen. 

I am designed to learn.

It is my default nature to learn.

It is my default thing to do.

Choices

I am enjoying having choices again with my free time.

And dance has taught me about choice. 

As a trauma survivor my choices were taken away from me.

And it feels so good to have choices again.

I signed up for a weekend meditation retreat but do I really want to do that? (Online and it was free so don’t worry.) or do I want to read my oracle cards like I have wanted to do for weeks instead? I had an Italian class but do I want to do them anymore? Or do I want to dance which feels more urgent right now? Moving feels urgent right now. Movement has been so badly needed in my life.

I want to go on a trip somewhere but where? The trains are closed. Maybe I could get a bus to Worthing…

I am not ashamed to have taken ten months to have passed my probation.

In fact I am extremely proud. I worked so hard to get here.

I overcame so many barriers that nobody else has to face.

And now I just need to tidy my flat. And buy a dragon with my friend on the 4th to celebrate. 🍾