Affection

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Affection

One of my single favourite songs when I was younger was “Affection” by Cigarettes After Sex. It’s still one of my favourites to play and sing. And that’s it. My life has been this whole huge and unexpected journey I didn’t expect to go on.

Most of the stuff I was dealt was stuff I never asked for but of course I don’t believe in this stuff anymore. I believe in being dealt whatever we need to awaken.

Some fairy lights outside a pub

There are still so many questions I have. Like why am I so bad at dealing with certain things. Why do I fall into some certain patterns and repeat those again and again. But the truth is that there is nobody there to repeat them.

And we will repeat them until we realise that. But I see God everywhere. I see patterns everywhere. When we are in the deepest darkest hell there is someone who is witnessing that hell. Who is the one who is witnessing that hell? Look closely. There are so many things that I wish 

I did so much better. But who is the one who is doing the wishing? And who is there to do things better or worse in the first place? I wish I knew some of the answers.

I wish I knew some of the answers to literally anything 

But I do know

All I know 

All I know is that

I am.

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