I like to fly, I build AI - part 2

When everything falls apart then I feel grateful for my job. Not just my job but my passion. So many times. 

Things have fallen apart but my gratitude and my love remains. 

Last summer I spent a night in the hospital. I get seizures, these things can happen. I just realised how grateful I am to have a job I love so much. How lucky I am I have a job I love so much. No one could pick me up; no one could come out to me; I was alone all night until the first bus home could take me back. But they made me two gluten free jam sandwiches. And most of all they made me realise how lucky I was 

Because in what can be a very difficult life sometimes no one, no one, expects me to be an AI engineer. And that is always the plot twist that I love. One or two years before I burned my hands and ended up in hospital. The same one. It was awful. My flatmates back then were horrible and they wouldn’t take me seriously. The neighbour helped me call 111 but wouldn’t go with me. I was told I wasn’t allowed to travel to hospital alone but no one would come with me. So I had to go alone. (Reminds me of how lonely I was back then! How lucky I am now). I cried all the way on the bus. 

My hand hurt so so so so much. But it was just after I’d started my first dev job. And I just thought “God, these hands are yours. 

Take them.

Whatever you want them to write, I will write it

Whatever you want them to code, I will code it.”

I never ever dreamed in a million years that God would ask me to build water and energy AI. And now it feels like my life has fallen apart again. 

But in taking some time off work, I have to realise. I love my job. So how do I make it possible for me to do my job again. Who or what do I need to say no to. Do I need to throw away all my stuff. Can I have an empty room like a Buddhist monk. I can prepare my lemon water the night before and have it in my room so I always hydrate first thing. I can somehow somehow somehow try and stick to the fruits and smoothies I’m meant to be eating which I know will make me feel better overall. I have to rethink the stuff I love like dance. Who do I say no too. How do I say no to stuff that doesn’t serve me. Protect myself from conversations I don’t want to have. Protect myself from dance classes where I don’t feel wanted - not everywhere is an inclusive environment. But I keep on coming back to one thing - and that is the idea that I haven’t done anything wrong. I just need to stay close to God as always

Thank you