“The Language of the Angels”

A former partner once told me that I would definitely have been a hobbit in the Lord of the rings. Slightly offended, I cannot fault him. 

I mean I would rather have been an elf. But yes I do probably love the idea of a warm cosy home too much - although what were the rooms like in Rivendell? Boyfriends can be wrong you know. Maybe I was meant to be an elf after all - although he was the literal elf out of us.

So tall and probably could’ve played an elf in one of the films had he been old enough. But that still doesn’t give him the right to discredit me from the elf realm! I just maybe won’t be wielding any swords in battle after all - not even like my heroine Eowyn would be. Eowyn chose softness and then she healed. Like me I suppose. Maybe. I hope.

Healing

Since we’re going here I want to talk about what I think is gonna help me when I return to work from my holiday and etc. Number one not writing posts at this time of night. Somebody confiscate my phone. Number two finishing my epic clear out. So my plan is this:

• To own as few possessions as possible
• Therefore my room will be easier to keep tidy
• Therefore my room will be easier to clean
• Therefore I can deep clean my carpets
• Therefore my room will be a relaxing place to be in

Tidy room, tidy mind; my room has been messy for so much of my life. So let’s see if having a tidy room 

Will help other aspects of my life feel more manageable too. As for other stuff 

Look I was going to write out all these aspects of my life 

And how Bach makes me feel so safe and so held

But really the key is softness. Because that’s the one thing I never gave myself during my probation. Softness to finish when I am tired. Softness to take a break when I need to

As a woman a degree of softness is expected but I come from a line of World War II survivors on my Polish side and sometimes you have to be strong and incredibly tough. So whenever I forget to be soft I will listen to Lana del Rey. I will listen to Bach. And if I can convince myself to like Handel I will listen to Handel as well. Because Bach and Handel “spoke the language of the angels.”