Yesterday, I heard God say, “It’s in your blood”

All the new quotes are from Lana del Rey’s new song. From the very beginning of my software engineering career I knew what kind of software engineer I wanted to be. Soft, gentle. The clue’s in the name. I wanted to be a “soft, soft software engineer.” That goes against the whole industry right. Softness and gentleness are the antithesis of the software engineering industry right? Not quite. I have been moved by the softness and the gentleness of so many people along the way. The beautiful love and the kindness of a current mentor. The love and the kindness that a former mentor treated me with as he helped me to bridge the gaps that would’ve made succeeding in my job impossible otherwise. The male mentor in my first job who told me that he also got imposter syndrome, making me feel less alone.

Softness, and gentleness. The softness of my current manager when he looks after me sometimes. The softness and gentleness and kindness of my last manager when after 7 months or so of challenging 1:1s I told him I dreamed of a 1:1 in a coffee shop and he took me to a cafe the next week. Life changing. Unforgettable. The softness and gentleness and kindness of a director at work who has helped me through the challenges of the last year sometimes.

The softness and kindness and gentleness of another software engineer who offered to mentor me. And the kindness and sweetness and gentleness of another neurodivergent engineer who I meet with for a coffee sometimes. 

Inspired by Lana del Rey, I vowed never to lose my femininity in this profession.

I refuse to step on other peoples toes or to put people down to make myself look good because I know there is enough for all of us.

There is enough money. There is enough love to go around. There is enough time and there are enough opportunities. 

There are enough resources for all of us. Sometimes I get told of my accessibility requirements “we need to make sure they are fair to everyone.” Well I say that my accessibility needs shouldn’t block anyone else’s. There is enough space for everyone to have what they need. We bring such talent and genius to the team and those who have those accessibility requirements should be given what they need. P.s. my water research hasn’t stopped; I organised it all beautifully a few days before I crashed. It is ready to be resumed, gently, when I come back into work. Softly, softly, gently, gently. Gently.

There is enough space for everyone around. There is enough room. Thank you