Everything Changes, So What Can I Be?

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Everything Changes, So What Can I Be?

I am 15 years old and sitting in a biology class. I am 16 years old and sitting in a maths class. I am 16 years old and skiving a French class (whoops). I am 16 years old and skiving a maths class (whoops). I am 15 years old and skiving a physics class and a chemistry class back to back (double whoops - I swear to you that is all my skiving). I am 30 years old and running down 

Green park tube station to the Victoria line. I did it this morning and I did it this evening twelve hours later. So what changes? And what doesn’t change? In every experience

“I am”. “I am” 30 years old. “I am” 5 years old and climbing a tree. “I am” 15 years old and being wheeled into a hospital on a stretcher after my first seizure. “I am” 12 years old and getting “married” to my summer love interest on summer camp (it was a thing in Poland okay). I am 12 years old and deeply within the Polish woods with that same sweetheart. Everything changes. I am a glamorous woman in a tech company eating a free lunch 

I am a disoriented woman lying on the floor in central London with my eyes half closed and hair ruffled up and clothes creased after a seizure

Very often in the same day. So what can I be? I am a nice lady on a bus who gives someone a pound. I am the queen of the dance floor coming through whether you like it or not. I am crying in hospital because I am spending the night there because no one can come and pick me up

“Everything changes, so what can I be? I cannot be anything but I am always me” Rupert Spira. I am not always 30. I am not always 5. I am not always sweet always cute always nice. I told someone off the other day for barging into me while I tried to exit a lift. I was sassy with a guy on the tube today. I got a cuddly turtle from my colleague. But I am not always sweet not always cute not always nice

I am at a glamorous hairdresser in Luxembourg getting my hair done

I am alone in the woods and I am scared of a forest animal that isn’t even there

I am exploring and I have discovered my favourite white broken tree

I am dancing and wondering if I fit in in this dance class

I am on a date because my sisters took my phone and matched me on tinder and I think the guy is not asking me enough questions

I am on a coach to an airport in Germany and it is so beautiful and so magical

“Everything changes so what can I be? I cannot be anything but I am always me.”

Always I am 

In all those situations I am

I am hugging my former boss goodbye

I am in my favourite Tokyo Diner restaurant and it’s like nothing has changed even though it’s been months

I am talking to the guy at the tube station 

A million different experiences

Always the same I am

A beautiful moleskine notebook
A beautiful leaving gift - stupendously beautiful - one of a couple


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