Living With A Neurological Condition

Maybe not the post people were expecting. I’ve always alluded to my seizures in these blog posts but never spoken about them explicitly. I feel ashamed for posting about them.

But then I remember like disability rights and stuff. So it has to be okay for me to post. Tl;dr I have been living with non epileptic seizures 

For 15 years. I’ll spare you the details of how bad it’s been 

Or how messy it’s been. But 

I don’t want to pose as an expert because I’m not. But from my experience alone the mix of life factors and physiological factors is fascinating. I have done most of what I can do on the life circumstances front although I need to get better at calming down and slowing down and resting (why do I have ADHD as well? Of course I do. Of course). And I am in the hands of an amazing doctor who I consult with on serious decisions including dietary changes. But I actually mostly want to talk about diet here

Because diet to me is the one thing I feel like I can influence. And while it’s fucking expensive I have to try and make it work. So here’s what works for me - knowing that it has all been okayed my by doctor - so please do not dispute too much

Dietary Changes for Healing

This is what works

• Celery juice. This is the single greatest miracle cure. I drink it every day after lemon water. The aim is to build up to 1 litre a day but this is so expensive and it’s also not good to start too high. I am trying to juice two heads of celery a day at the moment. I’m trying to see what else I can sacrifice in my life for it. It’s just so worth it for how I look and how I feel
• Heavy metal detox smoothies - surprisingly cheap to make. After the wild blueberry powder, the dulse (which I bought in droplets but will buy cheaper next time), the spirulina and the barley juice grass powder it’s not too expensive - it’s just bananas and coriander and oranges. And bananas are so cheap. I like to add frozen raspberries, strawberries, blueberries or mango. This makes it more delicious. It also makes it more nutritious and fills me up and satisfies me for longer 
• Lemon water - I do a litre a day before breakfast. Lemon water and a teaspoon of raw honey. It’s so hydrating. It saves the day every time. I should be aiming for 3 litres. Now that I am not commuting it will be easier. So for the daytime litre I have two options - make a bottle at home to take to work or make some at work. I would have to keep lemons and honey at work. Otherwise I’ll need a litre glass bottle. I get tired carrying it to work. I’ve discovered a secret cupboard. How about this - keep chopped lemons in a box in the fridge, keep honey in the cupboard and then twice a day use a half litre glass and make some up. But keeping it in a bottle makes it easier to keep track of. I could keep the bottle at work? Arrrrgh. This is hard. This is complicated
• Cherry smoothies. There is a great recipe for cherry smoothies. Let me check. 2 bananas or 2 cups of diced mango or orange or a bit more for extra nutrition. With a cup of cherries (I love frozen cherries from Waitrose) and two cups of spinach. 
• Citruses. Easy peelers are my ultimate safe food. Especially for breakfast. They are such a great thing to eat. Anyway thank you
• Orange juice - I love pressing oranges. I could do this every day - thank you
• Liver detox smoothies. Bananas and red pitaya powder and wild blueberry powder. Or can do papaya instead of bananas. Would be so good to do one of these a day. Anyway thank you
• Mangoes. Mangoes are my safe and happy food. I could eat them every day. And I probably should. I should be eating like two a day. And they are meant to be really good for your nervous system. Which I need to heal omg
• Dates. Dates are amazing for all neurological conditions. The thing is I put myself off them. Because they are cheap I try and mono meal with them. But then I can’t look at them for months. So maybe in moderation lol
• Other foods which I love which are not damaging are potatoes, quinoa, green peas. I love flat and curly leaf parsley, I love raw cucumbers with dill, I love raw tomatoes and I love roasted tomato’s with garlic. I also love my own homemade soup. Thank you…

There are also foods which are a massive no go. Gluten, eggs and dairy being top of the list. But I have surprising and yet obvious trigger foods. Fast foods are disastrous for me. Anything deep fried is one of my biggest triggers for a seizure and I can’t figure out why. And even stuff like Starbucks drinks etc. That is quite heavily processed or whatever is basically the end for me. Plus caffeine. Nearly all caffeine is a disaster for me. A shame because I love hot chocolate 

Oh well

Final closing thoughts - and what makes this hard to live with (apart from the obvious stuff like waking up on the floor and being afraid to go outside sometimes)

It’s really hard to live with the constant headaches and tiredness and the agonising muscle aches and pains that follow or coincide with a seizure. But I’ll tell you what the hardest thing of all is. And it will break my heart open

The hardest thing is when I meet a guy. And this has only happened maybe 3 or 4 times. But when I meet a guy who I totally vibe with. 

And who I could see a date with. You know. One date, then maybe more. And who I can’t go down that route with. 

Why? Because he’s met me on the floor. Or he’s met me on the train struggling not to have a seizure. Or he’s met me walking me back to my flat because I couldn’t get there myself. Or on the dark streets of Liverpool at night. The fairy tales are wrong. You don’t meet someone while you’re semi conscious. And perhaps it for the best. Someone DID once ask me out once after he helped me out during a seizure and it was so fucking creepy. And as my mum says it’s best to build relationships on positive things. And I know I know I know that the right person

The right guy will not care what stage I’m at with my healing journey (although it has been pretty much impossible to date for the last ten years due to the severity of the thing). But grant me this. The teenage girl or otherwise. Who meets a guy that she can vibe with

Who is maybe literally one of the top 10 people I have vibed with in my life. Who can’t pursue it because in that moment I am not an object of flirtation. I am an object of saving. That is what makes me really sad because I can’t explain it but in those moments I would rather to

Not be small

Not be a victim. Thank you