You don’t need a faraway Church

-

You don’t need a faraway Church

I am in Newquay and I feel sad. I couldn’t go as far as I would’ve liked to go. Pull off as much as I wanted to see. There are days where my body just can’t do it (for now). And today is a day full of limitations. As I wait for my train sadly I look off at the mysterious and mystical far away far off church in the distance and I realise I don’t need that church.

The light of God is already shining inside. There is no mystical or magical church 

No secret practice or dance teacher. There is no pilgrimage. No spiritual trip. That can take you to God.
The sky in Newquay, Cornwall

There is no magical practice or event that can heal me from the sexual trauma I went through 

Why disclose it here after all of these years? I don’t know. But I am tired of hiding it. Tired, sick of hiding it. Of course the world and his wife knows. I have had so much help. But I just don’t want it to be a secret anymore. I got tired, exhausted of hiding it. I don’t know. I don’t want it to be a big thing anymore. 

I don’t want it to be a big deal. Something about not hiding it makes it less of a big deal

And so there is no therapy. No holistic therapy. No homeopathy. No alternative therapy. That can heal me. No path 

No practice no journey. Why? Because the only thing that can heal me is to realise that I am already whole 
A photo of Newquay, Cornwall
I am no longer waiting to heal. I am healed now already, whole. Thank you. I am perfect. Cured. Complete 

Already now here just as I am

Just as I am now 

Thank you 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello World

-
Image
 Hello from Susanna Codes! Hi everyone,  My name is Susanna and I'm a 28-year-old aspiring software engineer from Brighton! As I type this, listening to music from "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain" (it reminds me of home, in Luxembourg, where I am from - I'm missing home quite a lot lately!) and look forward to some Irish Cream tea in my afternoon break, I am thinking: How lucky I am that my amazing colleague Rosana helped me out with a plan for my software engineer journey (she directed me to the front-end first). How HTML and CSS would not have been my first languages of choice had I not been guided in this direction, as in my head they were seen as 'less-serious' langages. How done I am with what other people think of me and if other people see the 'front-end' as softer then so be it! Everyone has to start somewhere. I am so grateful to be on this journey, with Codecademy's Front-End Engineer Career Path.  Thank you to Async Brighton as ...
Read more

“But yesterday, I heard God say, you were born to be the one…”

-
Image
“But yesterday, I heard God say, you were born to be the one…” Hey there. Still off work. Still tired. Lana del Rey released a new song. Thank God. My soul needed it so much.  I’m thinking a lot about everything. Thinking about where I went wrong. I just want to release. I want to release all the crap that is in my room. I’ve been trying to fully declutter since I was 21. I give away so much. I donate so much. But then I never quite finish. I never get to the click. And then I buy more. I don’t know what technique to use. There are so many techniques. The Marie Kondo method. I like to do kinaesthetic tests too. I like to pretend I’m packing up during the pandemic again and I have to make really quick decisions about what to keep and what to leave behind. That was no fun. But it was efficient. I just can’t release it. There’s so much stuff I can’t let go of. I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to. I suppose that’s a good metaphor for life. We accumulate stuff and we hold on to it....
Read more

In the Water, I find Fire

-
Image
In the Water, I find Fire Who am I without renewable energy? I had to ask myself this question last year when my company laid off half its employees.  I didn’t know who I was anymore. Not without renewable energy. But I did everything I could to stay in it. The time in between jobs allowed me to experiment. Travel around the UK a bit. Reconnect with old hobbies. Rediscover my femininity a bit - be someone who wasn’t always working. But I fought to stay in renewable energy. A part of myself has been telling myself that I am in renewable energy still and that’s great because I am. But I am mostly in water. And that was hard for me to accept that. Because I love renewable energy so so much. And I couldn’t imagine my life without it. But now I can. Not because I don’t love it But because I need to give myself to something more too and that is water Because in the water I find my passion In the water, I find my fire In the water, I find my self again In the water, I find my Self So let’...
Read more