I would keep myself, I would find a way (Part 2 of 2)

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I would keep myself, I would find a way (Part 2 of 2)

I would keep myself. I would find a way. The results are about to burst through the surface. Like a flower. Sprouting. Like a flower and good for all things. Good for the world like a vegetable. Good for the world like a fruit tree. Looking back on my last post there is something I am happy with

This idea to really use my daily standup update - the written one, the one I write every day - to really focus in on my tasks. To hone in on my tickets etc. To be honest and explore my real blockers and even to explore my real qualms and weaknesses and hurts. I’m too scared to read the ticket because I can’t read for shit? Say so. I am too scared to process it because the structure is scary? Say so or say so in a DM. But to be more relevant: I can say things like
  • I am at THIS point in the process, for this process I have developed for myself eg I have found it in the UI, I am in the process of reading up the code in the repo and understanding it
  • I am in the process of writing up the acceptance criteria etc
  • That way I can reinforce my own process
My manager said to put a post it on my desk. I can easily ignore my own post it’s. But maybe it’s time to swallow my pride and to try. I don’t know if I should accept that I don’t really like them 

Or reach the point of all modesty and humility when I am willing to give everything a go - better to get there sooner rather than later perhaps? I want this so so badly. I want this to change. I am going to have to say no to people as well. I am sorry - I am so so sorry
A view of some trees in Luxembourg
I would keep myself. I would find a way. Thank you

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