Believing That I Deserve To Be Here

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Believing That I Deserve To Be Here

This is a quick lunchtime blog post. I don't want to make any apologies or excuses. I want to reflect on the fact that I deserve to be here. What are the steps I took to get here?

I studied two masters degrees in renewable energy. I got a first job in renewable energy - that was very very hard - against the odds. I worked for over a year in a very very hard job that was not suited to me just to stay in the industry and to contribute. After a year I got hired into product based on my knowledge, passion and research skills. As I was making that transition people began to talk to me about coding. So I followed those leads. And then began a crazy 3 year journey. 

First I taught myself to code. A lot of this was evenings and weekends. As well as some learning and development time at work. I was obsessed; I couldn't stop. Then I began to blog about this every day and post on LinkedIn.

Kind of like I still do now. Then some more things happened:

  • I got hired to my first internal role. I definitely worked hard and passed an interview etc.
  • I trained on the job for a year including a very hard intense first four month period and a challenging bootcamp
  • I got fired suddenly from that job due to layoffs
  • I refused to give up. I taught myself Python and Django and got two backend roles. I chose the renewable energy one of course.
  • I realised I wasn't quite qualified for the role I had been hired to, especially in the backend. I worked hard every day to meet this. I worked evenings and weekends for a year. I refused to take no for an answer and kept on defending myself
  • I got pretty good and built out some seriously complex AI logic which a lot of people struggled to replicate after I left, apparently
  • I made a good impression on someone in another team and got the door held open for me
  • I pursued the opportunity as much as I possibly could. I ditched it all and started the frontend again.
  • Have been working so hard to learn React and the new repo, etc.
But apparently a big part of me deserving to be here is me believing that I deserve to be here in the first place. I know I climb railway bridges just to get the best view of the pylons. That is for sure. But can I believe that I deserve to be here technically? That my commitment to narration, my level of attention to detail and my ability to pick up new things quickly all really matter? That all of these contributions I have always known I was going to make are going to come true soon? 
a glass house with text that reads "convincing myself that I deserve to be here" and too pictures of fire in the heart

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