How It Feels To Be At One With The Pylons

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How It Feels To Be At One With The Pylons

Cambridge, March 2024. I was supposed to have my final interview with the VP Engineering of another tech company. But he was ill. Dressed up and full of adrenaline I hopped on the train instead. I will never forget this day. There happened to be a seminar on AI in renewable energy that day. I just made it. Just made the train. Just made the bus. Didn’t know about the seminar til I was on the train.

I hadn’t packed for a trip so all I had was my ancient Egyptian goddess journal. I was wearing crap shoes and an interview outfit. At this stage I was getting worried about my redundancy money. It was really running out. I was worried about a lot of other things too. I was trying to do a cleanse but I ended up having a bubble tea and Thai food (probably for the best). I went to a book shop and got a book but made the wrong choice. (I still regret it til this day!). I also went to the museum of computer science history. I imagined my face among the major players in compsci. Somehow I couldn’t really see it. After my Thai food I walked to the train station and played “on the nature of daylight” from my phone in the dark. It was a horrible time.

Worried about my job and my money and my future. I still didn’t have either job offer back then.

Worried about my body and weird changes it was going through. Scary changes. But most of all I was worried about losing renewable energy. That seminar in the university of Cambridge computing department had confirmed what I already knew. That I was not meant to leave renewable energy. That I was meant to stay

I absolutely killed myself getting this job at kraken. 
I absolutely exhausted myself maintaining it too. After the initial mismatch with the level and the roles etc. 
I am still paying the consequences every day for how much work I put in in 2024. Too much.

I am exhausted to this day. Room could still do with a cleanup and so could the flat. Cooking is only just becoming a habit again. Energy levels are still crap. Why did I do it? Because I was meant to stay in renewable energy. No one could tell me otherwise. And so here I stayed

“When you come to the one that gathers all things into itself, there you must stay.”

Good night 
A view of railway tracks and a road and pylons in the distance

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