“Keep it one hundred on the land, thе sea, the sky, Pledge allegiance to your hands, your team, your vibes”

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“Keep it one hundred on the land, thе sea, the sky, Pledge allegiance to your hands, your team, your vibes”

I feel that it is going to take a miracle to keep me in software engineering. Not that I have anywhere else to go. I have a triple whammy going on. I am super neurodivergent (yes we all know) (in a company that is quick to admit itself that it is not by default super accessible), I am new to the team still, and I am a junior. There is a lot going on for me. And I have a lot going on at the moment. I have a lot of family health stuff going on. And I am dealing with a huge amount of unprocessed trauma right now - not because I have never confronted it but because after fifteen years of confronting it it still hasn’t been enough. Which to be honest if you knew the full scale is pretty reasonable. So it’s a hard time. It’s a tough time. I feel tired. I have only just stopped having seizures every single day or at least most days. That’s weird too. It’s fantastic but it’s weird to think about it

I have all this time in my evenings. I have all this time to rest. Imagine being so used to have seizures that not having one feels strangely weird and warm and wonderful. How will I celebrate? With a nice hot cup of tea and a hot water bottle. I built up many great habits over the years of trying to keep my seizures down like not drinking. It’s a great habit I want to keep. 

And only you possess the key
No longer drowning and deceived
All because you came for me”

Yep we’re quoting Taylor Swift today. So anyway how do you build a software career. When you’re a woman. When you’re having seizures every day. When you don’t have a computer science degree. When you’re supporting a lot of people. When you’re autistic. When you’re neurodivergent. When you’re dealing with trauma that’s so bad that you’re either actively working on it or suppressing it and there’s no in between. How do you build a software engineering career like that?

LET ME TELL YOU

  • Messily
  • Proudly
  • While writing 1000 blog posts 
  • While posting on LinkedIn every day
  • While getting up from having seen an ambulance and having maybe been outside on the floor in the freezing cold for an hour and then going into work the next day - because that’s what I did for most of my career and all of my studies
  • While working with lovely and kind and generous people who give me their time
  • While working with great mentors whom I can never ever ever repay for their kindness 
    A photo of a beautiful lake and trees

And of course - by DANCING

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