Why I Can’t Leave

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Why I Can’t Leave

I am not like most of my friends outside of work. Most of my friends I have made in recent years are therapists or counsellors or mentors or work in mental health. A lot of my friends do very spiritual work. This is a good moment to remind myself that all work is spiritual when it is done with the right attitude. I am surrounded by dancers and dance teachers and a lot of very wonderful people who are support workers too - but I do something very different

My two great inspirations are Gabrielle Roth, who developed my dance practise, and Lama Tsultrim Allione, who brought Tibetan Buddhist practices to the West and who created the meditation practice that I practise daily - adapted from an ancient Tibetan form of meditation (which I may learn one day too). Both mothers, both strong spiritual teachers who did the amazing and developed their own practices and pulled off the impossible

And me? I am a software engineer. I work in renewable energy. I love my coding job. I feel so far away from my friends and my inspirations. 

Even in my family I am so far removed from everyone else although we do quite recently have a new software engineer in the family - although he is quite far removed from me

But I can’t leave because I love what I do. I can’t leave because I love renewable energy. I can’t leave because I love to code more than anything else and when I finally get a few minutes to code alone it is total bliss (and more of that coming soon I hope) and I love my coding job

And I love organising my calendar and my time

I need to get better at saying no to people at work and I need to stay more active (I was ill but I am better) to manage to effects and pressure of the job. I need to keep up my meditation and practice and not work outside of work - not just literally but mentally I need to try and leave it all behind

Both my inspirations are or were mothers - this might be something that happens for me one day - who knows. But I know that I have something beautiful and special to bring to the world

And there are naysayers and there are those who don’t believe it 

But I am sticking with renewable energy 
A photo of Susanna on a train smiling and holding a book called women of wisdom
Heading on the train back home 

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