I’ll call you when the party’s over

I would like to retract all former complaints about my life. It was all perfect and I wouldn’t change anything. Sometimes we can idealise people’s lives. We look in through the window 

And we think that they are perfect

Fuck it, I wouldn’t have picked anyone’s life over mine

Yes there were some absolutely crazy manoeuvres

Crazy and rather silly stunts I pulled off

But it all had a certain beauty and magnificence to it

Whether it was the fact that I spent my 29th birthday learning React after work (at an event!)

Or whether it was the fact that I got driven home by an ambulance on Christmas Day 2021 - I was spending it alone cos of my then job and Covid - I went on a walk - sadly said walk was not successful

Or whether it was the fact that I spent my 28th birthday in an office applying for a product job

Fuck it it was worth it

And then I went and learned about product on Brighton pier on my weekends

Fuck it it was worth it

It was all worth it

Coding is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life

I constantly struggle with the unpredictable and big environment

There are too many factors and too many people to say no to

I set my weekly goals

I block out my calendar

I have my tickets to do

My calendar protects me

My mentors protect me - when I get promoted I will have less mentoring - that is fine by me

I have my learning plans

The overwhelming environment has the capacity to hold me back

But only if I let it

Right?

I have such bad executive dysfunction tonight and so I need to take care of a few things

But I’ve been putting off the same meditation for two days now wtf

Thank you

I think back to Coventry sometimes and when I lived there and I have come through so much 

What a miracle that I can work and I can dance and I can go outside and walk

I will never ever take my ability to go outside for granted

Ever