Bro, I have no answers for you - So Heavy I Fell Through the Earth, part 4

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Bro, I have no answers for you - So Heavy I Fell Through the Earth, part 4

I need to get out of bed and try and organise my life. The paralysis from trying to organise too many tasks can be overwhelming. I wish for one moment someone could take my autistic ADHD brain 
And just for one second I could feel like what it is like to be someone with the capacity to organise stuff
For 5 minutes I want to know what it’s like not to be the human embodiment of chaos
Ten years of trying and thousands of pounds spent and I cannot find a way to organise myself
I so desperately badly want to feel like it’s not my fault
I know somewhere deep down it’s not my fault
Look my bro
I was designed to live in the woods and talk to the trees
I was designed to dance in the forest

A photo of a church from Shoreditch

The thing is though
That I am actually quite good at what I do
I was born and designed to contribute to the world
I have so much to give 
I just was a little bit less chaotic
But that will never change
My dance teacher says we could ground chaos
What does a grounded Susanna look like
I have a practise called feeding your demons
What if I fed the demon of the work chaos and of not having a clear to do list
What if I did it right here and right now
I could have some tea and some honey
Bro I love honey
I have a meditation to practice
I can use it to heal: my frozen nervous system, my work stress, my work frustration

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