So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth, Part 5

-

So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth, Part 5

As usual I have not addressed the core issue. Beneath my inability to organise my thoughts and my plans around my work for tomorrow is a deeper issue. And that deeper issue lives below most of the issues in my life
You see 
If we go deep we enough into our issues then we usually find they have some sort of a common denominator
In my case
There is a very clear common denominator 
And Lord knows I had to do months and months of hard work to find it
And that was on top of the years and years of hard work I had already done
But bro
Listen
If you look hard enough
You will find the common denominator 
I did my work and I found it
So why am I so scared
Why am I so scared
A large church in Shoreditch dappled in early morning pale light

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello World

-
Image
 Hello from Susanna Codes! Hi everyone,  My name is Susanna and I'm a 28-year-old aspiring software engineer from Brighton! As I type this, listening to music from "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain" (it reminds me of home, in Luxembourg, where I am from - I'm missing home quite a lot lately!) and look forward to some Irish Cream tea in my afternoon break, I am thinking: How lucky I am that my amazing colleague Rosana helped me out with a plan for my software engineer journey (she directed me to the front-end first). How HTML and CSS would not have been my first languages of choice had I not been guided in this direction, as in my head they were seen as 'less-serious' langages. How done I am with what other people think of me and if other people see the 'front-end' as softer then so be it! Everyone has to start somewhere. I am so grateful to be on this journey, with Codecademy's Front-End Engineer Career Path.  Thank you to Async Brighton as ...
Read more

“But yesterday, I heard God say, you were born to be the one…”

-
Image
“But yesterday, I heard God say, you were born to be the one…” Hey there. Still off work. Still tired. Lana del Rey released a new song. Thank God. My soul needed it so much.  I’m thinking a lot about everything. Thinking about where I went wrong. I just want to release. I want to release all the crap that is in my room. I’ve been trying to fully declutter since I was 21. I give away so much. I donate so much. But then I never quite finish. I never get to the click. And then I buy more. I don’t know what technique to use. There are so many techniques. The Marie Kondo method. I like to do kinaesthetic tests too. I like to pretend I’m packing up during the pandemic again and I have to make really quick decisions about what to keep and what to leave behind. That was no fun. But it was efficient. I just can’t release it. There’s so much stuff I can’t let go of. I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to. I suppose that’s a good metaphor for life. We accumulate stuff and we hold on to it....
Read more

Yosemite

-
Image
Yosemite I'll never forget the first time I head the song Yosemite by Lana del Rey. I very nearly clicked away.  It was quite near the start of my Software Engineering journey, right near when I start learning the Front-End/Web Development. I was listening to Arcadia by LDR before, maybe twice, and then Blue Banisters came on. I nearly clicked away in the first 30 seconds but I forced myself to keep listening anyway.  I'll never forget how that song has made me feel. It became my song of 2022 even though I only discovered it in November. I can still listen to it every day and get that complete sense of wonder and of awe that I felt the first time that I heard it. That ending of the song is completely amazing, and it just completely just blows me away every time. "Withstanding all the time, changes, and seasons..." - LDR Concise Body Arrow Functions Why am I so bad at arrow functions? Whyyyyyyyyyyy?  Just kidding, I am beginning to get them. But why are they so hard? ...
Read more