Tomorrow holds such better days

I always feel like I am doing something wrong. No matter what I do. It just feels like I am not focusing right. Not growing fast enough. 

Day after day I feel like I am struggling. I feel like I am missing the point but nobody ever told me what the point was. Maybe this is an autistic/ADHD thing. When I was at Uni I had friends and a boyfriend and then later a on study skills tutor who taught me how to play the game 

It’s not about how much you read

No one cares about how much you read

“Assessments aren’t about what you know,” my then boyfriend would say. “They’re about jumping through hoops.” Mat, my Essex flatmate who was a bodybuilder and once bullied me into stealing a trolley from Tesco with him so we could push his whole freezer full of reduced meat home (I wish was I joking but I’m not) taught me to find articles online which proved my points. 3 university degrees probably down to the guy who was always so mean to me and yet somehow so fiercely protective at the same time 

Miss you 

My immensely gentle study skills tutor Stone told me I would learn more and not less by only reading a relevant page or two here and there

So my three bros got me through my degrees

So why can’t I do the same in my job

What am I doing wrong

I lie awake at night (bro no I don’t I sleep) wondering

Is it the product? The product has been crazily chaotic and we are streamlining it and switching up the teams

Is it me

Is it my learning style

Is it the company

Is it my attitude

Where did we go wrong

What’s going wrong

Is anything going wrong

It’s bedtime

It’s so late

Bye

“I can’t wait

Til I get home

To pass the time in my room alone.”