Susanna Codes

I’m Fighting Spent last night so stressed. But after I got really stressed I realised I had solutions of how to solve problems. Like for example… I was hung up on my current ticket. I had to not finish it before the break because I got ill. But then I began to freak out that I didn’t know how to do it. Which is a stupid thing to do because I’m on holiday and far away from the code. But then…  After I wrote my last blog post I realised… all I have to do is define the problem. All I have to do is define the problem and then I know what to do. Like even just thinking about the code late last night… even just thinking about the code made me feel scared… and then I took a step back and I remembered the problem statement. And then it wasn’t scary anymore suddenly. Because the abstract details of the code fitted in with the problem statement and then suddenly I knew what to do. This is what I did for three months. Between my initial first breakthrough and really getting problem solving at...

What the nice man told me about problem solving outside of the Alan Turing museum In the summer I went to Bletchley Park for the 3rd time to celebrate my 30th birthday with my best friend. Being me I was screaming about computer science. A nice man stopped us. He was very mysterious and very very magical and very very strange. Exactly like the magical kind of a man out of a story. It turned out he was a volunteer at the computer science museum. He lectured me and my friend for 30 minutes. He was so wonderful and so so magical. It was hard to get away and we wanted to visit Bletchley Park but also I knew that if we ran away we might miss something. I don’t remember much of what the man said but we talked loads about the enigma and we talked about problem solving. We talked about problem solving and how it is breaking things down into ever smaller and smaller pieces. Because you know. I visited the WITCH in December 2023. I stood there transfixed for an hour. I talked to a man about AI. ...

1000 journeys that I want to go on The type of dance practice that I do is called 5 Rhythms. I discovered it by accident many years ago, 6 years ago, when I was living in Liverpool. I was going to see a Buddhist body worker every week - having tried all the treatments in the world for stuff discussed in previous posts, this was something new. He was a big deal (he would have HATED that phrase) at the Zen centre in Liverpool. Now zen was not for me. Absolute stillness is not for me. But the zen centre had many classes. And I was looking for tai chi. And instead I saw 5 rhythms.  What’s that I thought. I looked it up. Couldn’t get it. Watched videos. I came to the class. I told the teacher what I was looking for and she said “I think you may have come to the right place.” I danced for the whole year. It was high risk and it triggered my seizures (but only after the classes) and it was a stupid thing to do but I loved it. I did workshops and weekend long classes. I read the book. Even...

DANCE: My Word Of The Year 2025 After a year of failures… not such a failure after all. I finally got back into dance. I stopped having seizures (yep you read that correctly… it’s been MONTHS) and it became safe to dance. I can’t even tell you what this means to me.  I used to spend years trying to find a movement practise that would stop my seizures.  But it’s the opposite. I finally had to stop having seizures again for it to be safe to move. I can’t even tell you what it means to me.  I’m so happy. I want to go out on walks. I want to come out and breathe the fresh air. And in time I want to reignite my yoga, tai chi, qi gong… whatever. But first: DANCE. When I dance I feel alive again. I come alive. When I dance I can express every emotion in the world. I can find feelings I didn’t know I had. For instance today when I danced I felt my longing for the hills where I live in Luxembourg. I wish that I could live here permanently but it’s just not meant to be. My life is ...

On having a single focus I have been feeling really lost lately but today I went to some of my favourite sites. I saw pylons all over the country that I love and my favourite radio, phone and internet towers (I am from Luxembourg and really did drive across the whole country today).  Looking at my favourite pylons and internet towers I get a clear sense of focus.  I need to stick to the Python backend stuff for now. I just have a sense of; I need to go further as a Python developer. I need to see where this can take me next. I love the frontend. But Python is where I need to be for now. And who knows where it could take me? I haven’t seen how good at this I could get yet now that it’s clicking. I haven’t seen where this could take me yet. Who knows. I love the feeling of power  But I mean of literal power. I like the way it feels when I see the electricity wires. I like the way I feel when I see pylons. I can feel their power and I love it. I feel so strong and powerful. ...

Becoming Rachel from Blade Runner: Why It’s Not Hard For A Cyborg This is the kind of desperate blog post you can only write in the middle of the night. This is the kind of writing that only deep deep emotions can push you to do. And my emotions are deep. They’re so truly deep. My love for the pylons is deep. My love for the internet towers is so deep. And so here are my thoughts. Being autistic I want to tap into my super brain sometimes. This year my super brain has been slow. It has not been slow. My brain has been playing the long game. It has been building up the knowledge steadily and slowly. Ready and waiting to release it. Unfortunately the corporate world is not designed for autistic brains. I try to tell my brain that I need results now. But my brain says “sssssh. I’m building up the bigger picture. I’m getting ready to fly.” However the stress and pressure of needing to make progress sooner rather than later has been really getting to me and I’m scared that it is going to ge...

If I had to tell you everything I knew about problem solving right now, with no preparation, what would it be? Hello, I celebrate Christmas in the 24th Polish Style but I have a quick minute so I would say that you have to define the problem and put it into plain English. I would say that you have to verbalise the problem I would say that you have to keep on coming back to what the problem is at all times. Keep on verbalizing it. Keep on asking yourself what is the point here? What is the business need? Why am I doing this? This will stop you from getting lost in the tiny details of the code I like to run my problem through a model. I have four favourite models „When I write code now I think about ‚what do I want the outcome to be?’ And then I write the code to meet that outcome” (one from my boss) Test Driven Development - I think about what tests do I want to write? And then I think about what code do I want to write. This ties in with a big theme that came up during my trainings wit...

Girl, where do you think you’re going? Sorry the moment I decide to stop blogging a million posts come out. I’m trying to pack for my flight tomorrow. I have been so so ill and barely able to stand up for the last 3 days. I want a way forward in life. My way forward is to dance. If I start dancing again I can do anything. But even more than that I want to feel my connection to the internet towers. I love internet towers more than anything else and I love radio towers and phone masts and pylons and wind turbines and electricity towers. Most of all I want to feel my deep deep connection and love for these things. I want to go outside in nature more often - one or two days on the weekend should really be spent in some form of nature and I am 100% serious about this. As for my work? Relax. Just chill. I want to use my problem solving skills. I want to apply them. I am ready to do the work. The more I relax the better I will be at problem solving. Time to start packing. Or decorate my journ...

How I „Built My House” in 2024; and why I may no longer need to work excessively I not only have autism and ADHD but I have one of the most unique learning styles. If you don’t believe me that’s chill; ask anyone who’s ever managed me. This is why I blog so much. This is how I learn. I take much longer to learn stuff and then it stays with me forever. I can only learn things deeply or not at all. My knowledge is profound and I can apply it effortlessly hanging upside down from the ceiling in the middle of my sleep. But first I have to have that knowledge. I am extremely clever (sorry again not just my words) - but that knowledge has to be built up and it takes ages. My employment has depended on employers believing in me - and believing me when I say that it takes 6-9 months for investments to show. That’s a very long time for a company. I have had phenomenal employers. So about the house I built  In the absolute nightmare that is navigating learning systems that are not mine I hav...

An Ode to 2024: Everything I Do, I Do It For You (My Passion. My Mission. My Drive.). Okay yeah sometimes it happens. You lose your dream job and leaving behind renewable energy hurts you so much you take 11 months to process it. Except you don’t leave renewable energy. You leave a training role for a legit role. You learn beginners Python in 10 days. You learn some Django. You travel to London multiple times to make the good impression. You sort of realise that you have been hired to a backend role. You sort of don’t realise that the role was more senior than what you thought. You upskill like crazy for the next 8 months. Because you are autistic this can take a while to show. It can take months for the results to break through to the surface. You have the best manager in the world who is kind and really really supportive. Even so it’s so hard for the results to break through You finish a huge Python course. It’s so hard and there is so much to cram in while working - but you still ma...

When I don't know where to go When I don't know where to go, I go to renewable energy When I don't know where to look, I look to renewable energy When I don't know what my future holds, I look to renewable energy When I come home late at night,  The red lights are flashing at me, Flashing out too sea, Blinking at me The red lights of the wind farms When I get the bus early in the morning And the golden light touches the wind turbines Transfiguring their white into rays of pink and gold On a white hazy background of the sky and of the sea I know they are there Pointing me in the right direction When I walk across the office terrace at dawn There they are Bathed in a white mist Urging me to go and make some progress When I travel in on the train Listening to a song called "Surge" about electricity And I see the pylons on the way Pointing me in the right direction I know that I gave everything And it wasn't for nothing It wasn't for nothing *** The Sun ca...

Wishing On An Eyelash Again “I’ve been trying to tell you, I’ve been dying to tell you, Want you all to myself, I, want you all to myself and, When we leave all the parties, when we’re not in our bodies,  When we’re up in a spaceship, that’s when I feel the greatest, I made a wish on an eyelash, Made a wish on elevens, Made a wish on my birthday, Talk about you to heaven.” I love renewable energy. I made a wish on an eyelash. I love AI in renewable energy. I made a wish on an eyelash about it. And then I ended up in an AI in renewable energy and water team. And it’s a dream come true. I am so happy and grateful to be here. I love it here so much. All I know is that I am someone who never gives up. I never ever ever give up. 🤦‍♀️  I know I can solve things. I can solve things properly. I have to remember to zoom out. I have to remember to constantly define the problem and constantly constantly come back to the problem. I shouldn’t just get stuck on one line of code. I should c...

Halfway Between The Pylons And The Offshore Wind Farms I live halfway between the pylons and the offshore wind farms. I am precisely where I need to be. I am exactly where I am meant to be. Always. To the south out to see I have the Rampion offshore wind farm. To the north I have a substation and a stream of pylons going up the hill. Going off into the downs. I could never work in any industry that’s not renewable energy. I love this industry with all of my heart. I will only ever be me if I am working in renewable energy. I will only ever be Susanna if I am working in renewable energy. I will not be Susanna if I am not working in renewable energy. So what do I need to do to stay in my beloved renewable energy industry? I need to: Run a click command on Monday  See if I can turn my click command into a click command with a for loop inside it See if I can pass in my second url to the same two functions my first url goes through as a parameter or if they need to be two different sepa...

"I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it": Wrapping Up On A Friday Night Okay so my plan to not write anymore blog posts epically backfired. It's never been about the blogging for me. It's been about software engineering. Today I have spent the whole day software engineering. I got a really big ticket last night. It has been really hard to grok. I have spent the whole day grokking it. I would say that I didn't write a single line of code all day but that's not true. I wrote two. I wrote two lines of code today. And that was it. But I read so much I learned all about ingestion I applied FOUR DIFFERENT PROBLEM SOLVING MODELS to my problem. I ran it through The "rules" model The "nowadays I write code to meet the outcome" model The "TDD" again The "Given input x, what are the steps necessary to reach output Y" model All four of these have really made the problem space click. I am so happy. ...

Susanna Engineers Software If I could go back in time. If I could turn back time and change everything. What would I change? Would I change the way it felt when I saw that internet tower and knew that I was meant to code? Would I change the way I cried when I realised that I really was meant to pursue software engineering? Would I have changed the way that I moved colossally quickly into this career? Would I have forced myself to learn problem solving sooner? Would I have renamed this blog to Susanna Engineers Software? Maybe that’s the next step. Maybe it’s time to stop coding and time to start engineering software. Maybe all of this is going to be okay…

Any Other Name For the very first time since starting this blog I have writers block. I think it might be time to wind this project down. I have finished the coding courses. And I have learned what it takes to be a real software engineer. In a way the transition has been very quick and in a way the lessons have been agonising to learn. Most of all I think a software engineer needs: problem solving skills, a love of asynchronous work and a good amount of patience and persistence and I have been told that the 15 minute rule for asking a question is the 45 minute rule for me 😅😂 I don’t have very much more to say at the moment because I am working well. Problem solving and I am being a good girl - I am always asking myself the next question and debugging the repos by myself and I raised 3 PRs today with zero senior support only pairing with another (albeit very very amazing) dev at my level. I skipped meetings I couldn’t attend. I went to two very big meetings today and did very well. I ...

Daniel, When I First Saw You, I Knew That You Had, A Flame In Your Heart “Daniel, when I first saw you, I knew that you had, a flame in your heart 🔥  And under wild blue skies 🌌 marble movie skies 🌌 I found a home in your eyes We’ll never be apart” I can’t even tell you how much it hurts. I have had to fight this year. It is a constant fight and I sometimes wonder if it even had to be this difficult. I sometimes wonder if things had to be this difficult. I tried so hard. I really tried so hard. Sometimes I wonder how and why it really had to be that someone who cares so much, who cares this hard and really fights this hard has had to fight as hard as I have this year. But that’s just life isn’t it. Maybe it’s because I’m neurodivergent. Maybe it’s because I’m bold and I dare to seek out new challenging opportunities.  But mostly it’s because I love renewable energy. My heart goes out to the wind farms. My heart sings out to the wind farms. I look out to the sea and I see th...

"Radio Waves They Flow Through Me But They Can't, They Can't, They Can't Hold Me": Addressing my two final problem solving calls So the plan going forward is: Listen to these final two problem solving calls Address them in my blog Fill out the last two panels on my wall Continue to use my wall to write blog posts/journals Maybe create a more refined version or two of the posters on my walls Also work is supporting me to do a debugging course but this is not online it is on paper, so you may see posts about this or it may just all be in my journals please - thanks. Okay I'm on the train now wearing my Christmas jumper and wondering how on earth I'm going to make it through this day. Call 1: I AM listening to it back on the train. The internet is pretty rubbish. Not sure whether to give up just here our not (I am 12/27 minutes in) or if there might be some golden gems at the end I might have forgotten about. I like myself when I problem solve. I am very very...

“Across the whole universe with you” These lyrics are from a song I wrote about Alan Turing in the summer. When things get really tough I often think about Alan Turing. I think about how he would approach problem solving. Was it easy for him? I mean problem solving? I mean he approached such a complex problem that of course it took him years but he saved an estimated 14 million lives in the process. I wonder how hard it was for him, if it was hard at all. Did he ever had to learn problem solving or was he born with it? Did he learn it from his beloved puzzles? What about when he studied Maths - did he develop that there? I love the line in the film when he says that he’s not a prodigy - I don’t know if that really happened or not - when he compares himself to Newton. I wonder if problem solving came naturally to him.  I wonder what he would’ve done if he was in my situation. I have always known and felt that he would’ve believed in me. That he would’ve encouraged us all. That he lo...

“What are we holding onto, Sam?” I really hadn’t meant to write much anymore. My new strategy is to not really work out of hours. I need the time and the energy back. To put into my work. To do things that make me happy. And give it back to my work. I have given it my shot. I have done everything that I could. I went to Bletchley Park three times in the last year. I went to two museums of computer science. I walked around with my open heart. My heart is the most open in the world. My heart is so open it might fall out. There is nothing left that I can do anymore All that I can really do is demonstrate my passion for problem solving All I can do is keep logs and apply my problem solving skills to my work because all I can really do is demonstrate it over time And some things need to be demonstrated many many times But if you don’t focus on the one or two times when it is first demonstrated you will miss the many many times I have a whole wall of problem solving skills and I know how to ...

"We wait in the silence and talk for a while": A few final thoughts on problem solving for tonight, thank you Sorry it's so late on a Sunday and I have got to work tomorrow of course. But here are some final thoughts from my boss on our big, main problem solving call we did: my boss gave me some really amazing new blueprints for me to follow when I am problem solving. As usual I know nothing - and I do not know why it has been so hard for me and why the last few months were how they were and why it took what it has taken for me to get here - but here we are now, nevermind. I did what I had to do. I did what I could. And: "I did it for fun, I did it for free..." 🏞 Instructions from my Boss This should take in this This is how I want it to work, right? I want it to take in this And I want it to do this THAT'S its job And so you write it to do its job And then you go on to the next one And then you think about: What is THAT thing's job? AND THEN YOU JUST I...

"At the edge of the forest, I would not abandon you now:" How to give when I have no more left to give 2024. A year I could never do again.  I have finally come almost to the end of what I had said I would ever do outside of hours. Then I might have to stick to working hours only, I am afraid. At long last. I said I would listen back to 5 more calls.  I am on the third of those, a really long one. One of the last two I have already listened to once, so that is good. And I have seen a course I want to do over Christmas. I know, I know. Not the plan. But it is a course I have seen and done some of before and it is more just for my own pleasure and my own personal inspiration. Listening back to my epic problem solving call with my boss I AM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF MYSELF THAT I HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR I am so happy and proud of myself that I have gotten this far. I have done so so well. Yayyy... "The process of thinking about, not like necessarily the pseudocode but just what th...

Wasted on my patio, never gonna make it On a coach at midnight near Gatwick airport cos every train going south got cancelled. This blog post title is from a song by Bayonne called Words.  It’s okay to feel like this sometimes.  I feel like I am an absolute total utter and complete mess. And that’s because I gave it my all. I left no stone unturned. That I can say for sure. I have very little left planned outside of working hours. But from my exhausted midnight mind here’s what’s left: Listen to the last 3 problem solving calls with my boss Turn last 3 calls into blog posts if necessary Scan all most recent blog posts Put anything important on my walls Maybe write more blog posts if necessary  Maybe create some new posters on my walls Maybe iterate back into blogs

At every moment when I feel confused I should be saying to myself: what's the problem here? And how can I try and resolve it? I am studying on a 7 am train to London on a Saturday because I am that hardcore. I have been told to think about what resources would help me.  I am gonna speak to someone about this but basically I find when I have loads of stationary - A3 sketchbooks, coloured pens - it makes it so much easier. I was looking to maybe work with another mentor and we are sorting this out - I think it suddenly sort of depends on what direction I go in. I was also told to think about courses. We also looked at an API course. We agree that more courses aren't great. They distract me from my work and I get overwhelmed by the whole cognitive load. But my director mentioned something about thinking about what I could do over the festive period to help me. Now the problem I have is that I don't know which direction to go in. Should I learn more backend as I am working in a...

My Whole Life Is Flashing Before My Eyes How I used to live in Liverpool. How I used to dance. I used to live on the 6th floor and I used to see the whole city. Including the radio city tower. I used to dance everywhere.  I danced in parking lots and I danced in glass houses and I danced in empty lecture theatres with music so loud the lecturer next door had to tell me off (it was for research purposes). I danced in parks and by the sea front. People filmed me. People told me I was good. At my last class people approached me afterwards and told me that they loved my dance. What can I say. I am born to be on the dance floor. But maybe I am born to be a frontend engineer too. Like the pieces of a broken mirror 🪞 it all fits together  I miss JavaScript. I miss CSS. I miss the frontend I love bright shiny patterns and colours What if I was a renewable energy focused frontend dev…  When I tell the whole story of my life everything was there. All the pieces. How much I loved d...

We Had A Place In That Garden This is a story about what it means to care. A story about what it means to care so much that you'll do anything and you don't even notice the obstacles. How it feels to care so much that you will work non-stop for a whole year just to stay in your dream job. What it means to care so much you'll complete three degrees while having seizures every day just because there is an internal force pushing you, even though you don't know what it means. How I come out about my neurodiversity time and time again  Firstly because I am super proud. Secondly because I don't care. This is what a face of bravery and absolute determination looks like I would rather get what I need than worry about what someone thinks of me I cannot wait to just go and to write my Christmas cards I had a breakthrough yesterday. We realised I was doing too much. I luckily I have finished all of my Python courses today. No more courses. No more cognitive load. Just work and...

What’s on the wall? Problem solving highlights so far, Part 2: Errors and Debugging Edition So it can be so hard to keep going. And I have to be self disciplined all the time.  But I love it and I am passionate about it and I care so much  So here we go In the debugger, you must think: I think the problem is in X, what is X doing? And again: I think the problem is in X, what is X doing?  Once more:  I think the problem is in X, what is X doing? And what else please thank you Susanna sorry ALWAYS READ THE ERROR: BECAUSE IT IS TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO When debugging, you should look at the response of each thing you are calling and go: Is this what I expect this thing to return? Does it look correct? And again Is it what I expect this thing to return? Does it look correct? And remember: ALWAYS READ THE ERROR BECAUSE IT IS TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

What’s on the wall? Problem solving highlights so far, Part 1 I am so grateful to have such a wonderful boss and such a wonderful team and such wonderful flatmates too I am so grateful to have received such amazing gifts in my secret Santa gift exchanges - I haven’t opened them yet but wow I am so grateful to have done my Python lessons now I can 100% problem solve and move on wow I am the most dedicated and committed and focused girl in the world. I know. I know I know. And I love myself for it. And I totally burned myself out this week but we have had lots of chats about it and I have had so much support. And although I still have five problem solving calls left to listen to I am not proactively seeking any more. And I am done with all of my courses and we have agreed that doing any more is distracting from my actual work. But I am working on my problem solving skills and so here we are. What are my biggest lessons so far from my wall of problem solving skills?  Know what the pro...

Thursday Mornings with Python, Part 10 - The Last One! (Finishing Friday) As I have completed my intermediate course and my database operations module from the advanced course the only module that remains that we have agreed for me to do is Logging from the advanced module. I miss nature. I miss nature and I miss the trees and I miss the forests.  I miss the secret valley near where I love which I lived next to for 10 years before I discovered it. Proof that it is always worth exploring. I long for the forests and long for the woods. I have worked so hard this year. I am so happy I have a good break at the end of this year to try and recover from this all. I want to go back deep in the woods again to try and find my purpose. To try and find the internet towers deep in the woods. Try and find the meaning and the magic. Logging The logging module provides several formatting options. This is very good to know, that means we can format our outputs. Cleanly ...