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Showing posts from September, 2024

Muted Swan

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Muted Swan Firstly I tried to tone it down and I have but here we are. I'm by default writing less but I'm not going to stop myself. As long as I'm taking my evenings and weekends off (with occasional self-reflection) then it's okay. Secondly, I have a mentor at work who helps me with being a neurodivergent software engineer. I am so grateful: To my mentor who does this for me To the company for allowing this to happen To my management who sorted this out and arranged it all for me My mentor said something to me recently about my recent performance. "This should be your basline" My mentor said to me "this should be your new baseline." My mentor basically said that, this new stage that I have reached, of being able to work so much better as a result of having amazing new ways of working having gotten the context I need of the work as an autistic person being familiarised with the company using my tools well recording pen and paper AI my daily structur...

Walking In The Park With You, I’m On The Radio, It’s Like Living A Real Life

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Walking In The Park With You, I’m On The Radio, It’s Like Living A Real Life I really like and believe in trilogies.  So, unexpectedly, here is a trilogy today. Three posts and: Three photos of electricity infrastructure in Poland from my very good friend Three quotes from Laurel’s song „Maybe, Baby” Three lots of reflecting on what works well for me at work and what has been working well for me recently - thanks. So one more time. What has been working for me recently please? Pretend I didn’t write the last two blog posts. And if you read them pretend that you didn’t. And if you didn’t read them - again that’s even better. It’s all going to be said here. Keeping a to-do list Well firstly I am writing a to do list every day for work. Every single day before work I write a to do list. I write it either in my bedroom or on the bus.  I have a special super thick ultra Paperblanks aubergine notebook. I got it on a really significant day to me.  I usually write my to do list i...

Your Love, Enough, It Feeds The Soul

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Your Love, Enough, It Feeds The Soul I messed up and got the timings epically wrong and missed Star Wars (and no point watching 6 without 5) 😂💔 so here I am instead. One more chance to reflect on my new behaviours as I recover from sprinting here with my shopping only to get the wrong times anyway. What did I do last week which means that work is going well and that it has been working for me? Another pylon in Poland from my amazing friend… thanks So what were these good behaviours that I need to reflect on please? Thanks… Writing a to do list every morning. Every morning I scribble a to do list, either on my bed or on the bus. Usually I remember anyway but to be on the safe side and to reassure myself I might sometimes scribble a note on scrap paper to myself the night before. As for my formal to do list, it’s usually done in a big giant Paperblanks notebook that I have that is aubergine coloured but anywhere goes of course. I have bought myself a new pink velvet notebook for if and...

Life Moves Fast, Another Dawn

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Life Moves Fast, Another Dawn I feel a little bit tiny nervous going into another week. I have been smashing it but I am keen to maintain this.  As usual, as always, what am I doing correctly please that means that it is all working out this time? ❤️‍🔥 Life Moves Fast, Another Dawn Okay so here are sort of like the rules I’ve been following. Every morning I write myself a to do list. I have a special notebook for it but if I don’t have it one day then that’s fine too.  I used to do it before I left the house but lately I’ve been doing it on the bus. Also one thing that really helps and that saves my brains over evenings and weekends is writing some scribbled notes on what it is that I think I need to do over the next working day. The next day the to do list will typically be something that contains more formal and complete sentences. Every day after work I write in a reflective journal. I have two physical notebooks and they are all set up with my four questions at the front....

The Fold

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The Fold I have gone mostly quiet. I’m focusing. I’m doing the job. I come in and at 9 I start working and I work solidly on my engineering tickets. I work til about 5:30 at which point I force myself to stop. Sometimes that becomes 5:45 and that’s okay. I write a to do list every morning even when I’m too tired to think. I write a reflective journal after work every day. I focus on three main points plus a secret bonus point: Just keep remembering: code is the only focus point It’s by doing more code that I will get there I need to be able to say: “look at all the things I’ve done! The code’s there.” And then there’s a quote from my old manager. Fine I’ll say it: “now just keep on going at it.” I’m enjoying having my life again.  I have my evenings and weekends back. I am getting loads and loads of code done. I am solving loads of mypy issues. On Thursday mornings I do my Python course. Now I look forward to every single Thursday morning. I can’t wait for the next one wow. I am go...

Thursday Mornings with Python, Part 1

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Thursday Mornings with Python, Part 1 I am doing some Python on Thursday mornings and I plan to use my blog to learn into like I always do. Back to handling multiple exceptions As we said last time, if an exception is encountered, Python will execute the first one that matches its type. Because of this, we use the last except clause as a generic Exception backup - just like an else clause in an if/else statement, I would say.   The else clause Python provides us with an else clause. This allows to run some code only if we do not encounter an exception. Here is a diagram: I thought the course's example was really good so here we go: This helps us to make sure we know exactly which line of code the error is coming from. I wrote my own try/except/else clause and it was really fun and I really really enjoyed learning about it thank you it was so interesting. I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE PATTERN AND THE LOGIC OF THIS. The finally  clause The finally clause. The finally clause. Right so...

When We're Up In A Spaceship, That's When I Feel The Greatest: Python Errors

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When We're Up In A Spaceship, That's When I Feel The Greatest: Python Errors [Wrote this weeks ago wanting to finish. As I am moving to a more structured way of doing Python just wanted to get that one out there please - thanks.] Try/Excepts I finally understand these after a year of trying. All it is is this: the code will run inside of the try block. If the code inside of the try block fails; the program then moves to the except block and then executes the code inside of that block. Then the program will continue running.  I love these. Catching Specific Exceptions If you put an "except" inside of a "try" clause, you can handle just about any error. However, most often times, we know what kind of an error we are going to encounter or we expect to encounter. Therefore, it is considered best practice to be as specific as possible with the types of errors we want to raise - thank you. Unless - sometimes - we might want to be as open as possible with the sorts...

Kentucky, She’s Waiting On The Other Side

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Kentucky, She’s Waiting On The Other Side Or why I might be going quiet for a bit When I was an energy specialist my manager put me on a special training plan.  I had so much energy knowledge but was so bad at handling calls. I came out of that training plan equipped to deal with anything. My colleague who trained me introduced me to a clip from “The Gentlemen” which was about not taking things personally. I fell in love with the song from the opening credits - Cumberland Gap - which this title is from - and the song and the lyrics have come to represent to me the rewards that can be present, waiting on the other side of some extremely hard work. It’s time for me to go quiet for a bit. Except: Python posts once a week maybe; Thursday mornings will be Python mornings for now Short posts on what’s working for me An old Python post I haven’t yet published Occasional passionate passion blog posts or not Right now making a daily to do list and using my new reflective journal are what’s ...

I can feel the energy of everything I love the most in the world

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I can feel the energy of everything I love the most in the world I was supposed to be relaxing on the train and enjoying the sunrise but instead I'm writing this oops. I am trying to work lest on commutes to rest my eyes, to get the rest I so very badly need, and so on. But everything has changed and I want to reflect on why things are going so well I finally had my breakthrough. When I start a new job, I have to spend a lot of time reassuring people that I WILL have my breakthrough. The problem is my breakthrough in a new job can take 5-6 months. I am very lucky that people will give me the time and are willing to invest in me - but also, and I quote previous managers, once I've had my breakthrough, it is "worth its weight in gold." Once I get things I am very, very fast, but I am also just reliable, have a good memory, am efficient, good at getting things done, bring high quality, attention to detail - and that passion and enthusiasm that was always there gets ampli...

How And Why I Smashed It Today

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How And Why I Smashed It Today Although I’m exhausted, and I’m really tired, I just wanted to reflect on what I did well today. Because today I did really well. I today I smashed it. So how did it go? Well let’s see I was asked to add quite a big feature to an existing ticket and I am so so happy I knocked it out the park I added tests for it as well So today: I finished the ticket I was working on anyway, fixing mypy and pytest issues, changing loads of models I added the whole new feature I added all the new tests I wrote up two new tickets I compared the outputs of two big functions I started investigating a new problem I just really ploughed on with stuff. I stayed focus. One more time please Susanna. I: Made a to do list this morning on the bus and stuck to it Only focused on my software engineering tickets Dealt with challenges - spent ages fixing one or two errors and was resilient Learned lots about how to show types in mypy Learned about what different Django ORM methods do Ju...

Winter Waltz (Valzer d’Inverno)

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Winter Waltz (Valzer d’Inverno) Named after a song by Andrea Vanzo If you read a lot of my content on here or LinkedIn you’ll know that I think a lot about being a teenager. I often think back to myself at 15 or 16. When I loved to go to Metz in France and drink coffees in cool French coffee shops. When I loved art cinema more than anything else and when one of the best days of my life was my school trip to a French art museum. I went on two school trips to the south of France in a short space of time too. I went on a painting trip. It was the best. All of that amazing French and Spanish food. Breakfast on the balcony overlooking the sea, orange juice and pastries (long before my gf vegan days). Wearing my mum’s silk dressing gown that she lent me. I want to be 16 again. I went back hiking a few weeks later. Unfortunately it wasn’t great. My seizures had gotten bad. I couldn’t risk all the routes. I was so so sad and I still am to this day. Anyone who thinks that having a seizure condi...

My Name Isn’t Alice, But I’ll Be Looking, I’ll Be Looking For Wonderland

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My Name Isn’t Alice, But I’ll Be Looking, I’ll Be Looking For Wonderland I am so nervous going into the week ahead. I am so so so so so nervous. But also calm and hopeful and excited too. Let me tell you why.  I had a really good week last week. This is the beginning of how I need to continue. There are all of the things I have done: I’ve made a to list every day and I stick to it I just get on with it I move on If I get stuck on one thing I just resolve it and move on to the next thing I don’t let setbacks get me down Other then that I focus. I just get on with things and I just focus. I have a list of four main principal goals on my wall, and I have a new reflective journal to ask myself if I am sticking for them every day. Take Me Home I am working in an AI/ML team at the moment. This is the very definition of all my dreams come true. Although I got hired to quite a high rank and I struggled at first due to my autism and ADHD. I finally have found that I have proved that I can d...

In the Midst of it All, I Forgot

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In the Midst of it All, I Forgot In the midst of it all, I forgot. I forgot who I am. I forgot that I am the girl who will take two buses and trek up a hill in the boiling heat just to see her wind farms. I forgot that I have a special relationship with nature and a connection with the earth and that I forged it at a very young age and that it is my life mission to protect this nature. I forgot that I did two masters degrees in two years in fields related to renewable energy while having seizures every day during the first one, and that a similar pattern happened both in the last two years of my undergraduate and the first three years of my job. And there’s more. I am passionate about coding and I have a natural aptitude for coding and software engineering. And I was born to do this. I know that I was born to do this. Thank you. I am born to do this.  I am determined. I am driven. I have reflected on each and every mistake and I have made sure that every focal point is very very cl...

Withstanding All The Time, Changes, and Seasons, Part II

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Withstanding All The Time, Changes, and Seasons, Part II When I first started software engineering it came straight from God and from Love. An overnight discovery, it was just my way to express the beauty and magnitude of it all. The love and infinity that I feel, that is what we are, is what we all are. This radiant golden light that is our true nature; my journey into software engineering and my passion for it and for coding were my expressions of the eternal love that I feel and this great great love that I am, that we all are. And this journey can come with great ups and downs and it is important to remember that they are all part of the journey and they are all perfect. I fell in love (with software engineering); I got hired super fast; I had a horrible bootcamp (not very accessible for me); I got laid off from my first job; and then I came into a new job which was even better for me but for the past five months I have really struggled until I started running, again, last week. Th...

Wild Tigers I Have Known

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Wild Tigers I Have Known In the summer I wrote a song about Alan Turing. This song has been shared with his family. I am so so happy and so proud about this. You can listen here if you want  But I have a slight thought on the lyrics. "I can fly with you, build AI with you." I meant this about Alan Turing and I still do. But there is a deeper layer for me. Are you ready for it? It's the wind farms. "I can fly with you, build AI with you." For to know me means to know that I love wind farms. And AI in renewable energy especially renewable energy generation is the ultimate dream. I HAVE HAD SOME TIPS FROM MY FORMER PRODUCT MANAGER FROM ANOTHER JOB WHO NOW WORKS WITH ME AGAIN, FROM MY FANTASTIC TEAMMATE, AND FROM MY SPECIAL NEURODIVERSITY MENTOR (WHOM I LOVE LOVE LOVE) ❤️ And here are some infographics... Am I producing enough value in terms of code? I am making more but there is an office event and it is time to stop so this is wrap up time. At least one more infog...

What It Really Means To Me To Love The Wind Farms

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What It Really Means To Me To Love The Wind Farms It doesn't mean faffing around and trying to figure out how to express how much I love the wind farms every single day of my life. It means GETTING ON WITH THINGS AND USING MY POWER AND GETTING THINGS DONE. It means GIVING MY ALL AND GIVING MY UTMOST DURING THE DAY AND THROUGHOUT MY DAY AS A SOFTWARE ENGINEER. It means getting on with my work. Because I can do better. I can do so, so much better and so, so much more than I am doing right now.  SO SHOWING MY LOVE FOR THE WIND FARMS MEANS: Showing up on time every day Staying focused Working hard during my focus time Staying focused on my tickets Coming back to my tickets, again and again, no matter have many times it takes RUNNING:  Moving on faster, faster with my tickets I Met With My Former Manager at My Last Job (LOVE THAT GUY!!!) and One Of The Most Senior Members of Staff in My Current Company

A letter to me during working hours

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Dear Susanna, Are you prioritising your engineering tickets? If you’re working on anything else at work other than a software engineering ticket or a PR then you’re probably doing it wrong. Are you protecting your time at all costs? Those meetings in your calendar - do you need them? Are they urgent to your work right now? Are they relevant to your work right now? Or can you take the time back for coding  Have you processed the ticket properly? Do you need to go back and look over the notes? Do you need to go back and listen to the recording if there is one? Do you need to break down the steps any further? And if so: are you diving straight in enough with the coding? Are you diving in enough with your work? Have you just started coding? Have you just built something? Have you just built something workable? Have you used all the tools that you could be using? It’s time to go on a break. Are you focusing on your breaks? Are you meditating for a few minutes and staying focused? Please...

“Free At Last, They Took Your Life, They Could Not Take Your Pride”: Are my blogs like a safety net?

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“Free At Last, They Took Your Life, They Could Not Take Your Pride”: Are my blogs like a safety net? Over the past few months I have made so many stupid mistakes. But maybe they weren’t mistakes. Maybe they were just things I didn’t know before I would like to make a list of my biggest mistakes and rank them but is that really something you’re supposed to do? Let me just throw something out there Not asking for more tickets sooner, not setting good enough boundaries at work (too many disruptions/interruptions although I came into the workplace knowing this and I tried so so hard), NOT VALUING ENOUGH THE IMPACT THAT TICKETS WOULD HAVE ON MY LEARNING, not just sitting down and not getting on enough with things properly, not making a work to do list everyday Being too afraid of making mistakes, not just getting into the coding straight away, not using the tools that I needed to use IN THE NAME OF LOVE, ONE MORE IN THE NAME OF LOVE I made some mistakes, but I learned a lot from them. I did...

I’m Little Red Riding Hood - And I’m Leaving The Forest

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I’m Little Red Riding Hood - And I’m Leaving The Forest Little Red Riding Hood HAS ONE JOB. She has to get through the woods to her grandmother. She has one path to follow. But the wolf comes along. The big bad wolf tries to distract her. How am I any different. I have one job. I have one fricking job. My job is to deliver software engineering tickets. And I can do them. I can do this. I can do them. Even in an AI/ML team, I can do them.  But then the big bad wolf comes along. The wolf has many names Lack of confidence Overworking Being overtired from the night before Thinking I don’t have enough experience  Had a seizure last night and I feel tired (they are infinitely better and if I do things like resting, eating well and not drinking alcohol I am really in control) Thinking I don’t know the steps HOLDING MYSELF BACK THINKING I AM NOT WORTHY OF THIS AND I DONT DESERVE THIS AND SO I SELF SABOTAGE MYSELF AND HOLD MYSELF BACK AND FAFF AND TAKE MORE NOTES THAN I NEED TO WHEREAS...